way; for, besides
the improbability of succeeding, my last sad attempt has cured me of
enterprising again. And when Mrs. Jewkes came within hearing, I found
her terribly incensed, and raving about my contrivances. Why, said I,
should you be so concerned? Here I have sat a few minutes, and had not
the least thought of getting away, or going farther; but to return as
soon as it was duskish. She would not believe me; and the barbarous
creature struck at me with her horrid fist, and, I believe, would have
felled me, had not Colbrand interposed, and said, He saw me sitting
still, looking about me, and not seeming to have the least inclination
to stir. But this would not serve: She ordered the two maids to take
me each by an arm, and lead me back into the house, and up stairs; and
there have I been locked up ever since, without shoes. In vain have I
pleaded, that I had no design, as indeed I had not the least; and last
night I was forced to be between her and Nan; and I find she is resolved
to make a handle of this against me, and in her own behalf.--Indeed,
what with her usage, and my own apprehensions of still worse, I am quite
weary of my life.

Just now she has been with me, and given me my shoes, and has laid her
imperious commands upon me, to dress myself in a suit of clothes out
of the portmanteau, which I have not seen lately, against three or four
o'clock; for she says, she is to have a visit from Lady Darnford's two
daughters, who come purposely to see me; and so she gave me the key of
the portmanteau. But I will not obey her; and I told her, I would not
be made a show of, nor see the ladies. She left me, saying, it would be
worse for me, if I did not. But how can that be?

Five o'clock is come,

And no young ladies!--So that I fancy--But hold! I hear their coach,
I believe. I'll step to the window.--I won't go down to them, I am
resolved--

Good sirs! good sirs! What will become of me! Here is my master come
in his fine chariot!--Indeed he is! What shall I do? Where shall I
hide myself?--O! What shall I do? Pray for me! But oh! you'll not see
this!--Now, good God of heaven, preserve me; if it be thy blessed will!

Seven o'clock.

Though I dread to see him, yet do I wonder I have not. To be sure
something is resolved against me, and he stays to hear all her stories.
I can hardly write; yet, as I can do nothing else, I know not how
to forbear!--Yet I cannot hold my pen--How crooked and trembling the
lines