irls throw themselves upon his neck
with enthusiasm.)

THE GIRLS. Why, father!

S. My darlings! (The young men hesitate a moment, they they add their
embrace, flinging themselves on Stephenson's neck, along with the
girls.)

THE YOUNG MEN. Why, father!

S. (Struggling.) Oh, come, this is too thin!--too quick, I mean. Let go,
you rascals!

GEO. We'll never let go till you put us on the family list.

M. Right! hold to him!

A. Cling to him, Will! (GRETCHEN rushes in and joins the general
embrace, but is snatched away by the WIRTHIN, crushed up against the
wall, and threatened with destruction.)

S. (Suffocating.) All right, all right--have it your own way, you
quartette of swindlers!

W. He's a darling! Three cheers for papa!

EVERYBODY. (Except Stephenson, who bows with hand on heart)
Hip--hip--hip: hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!

GR. Der Tiger--ah-h-h!

WIRTHIN. Sei ruhig, you hussy!

S. Well, I've lost a couple of precious daughters, but I've gained a
couple of precious scamps to fill up the gap with; so it's all
right. I'm satisfied, and everybody's forgiven--(With mock threats at
Gretchen.)

W. Oh, wir werden fur Dich sorgen--dur herrliches Gretchen!

GR. Danke schon!

M. (To Wirthin.) Und fur Sie auch; denn wenn Sie nicht so freundlich
gewesen waren, krank zu werden, wie waren wir je so glucklich geworden
wie jetzt?

WIRTHIN. Well, dear, I was kind, but I didn't mean it. But I ain't
sorry--not one bit--that I ain't. (Tableau.)

S. Come, now, the situation is full of hope, and grace, and tender
sentiment. If I had in the least poetic gift, I know I could improvise
under such an inspiration (each girl nudges her sweetheart) something
worthy to--to--Is there no poet among us? (Each youth turns solemnly
his back upon the other, and raises his hands in benediction over his
sweetheart's bowed head.)

BOTH YOUTHS AT ONCE. Mir ist als ob ich die HandeAufs Haupt Dir legen
sollt'--(They turn and look reproachfully at each other--the girls
contemplate them with injured surprise.)

S. (Reflectively.) I think I've heard that before somewhere.

WIRTHIN. (Aside.) Why, the very cats in Germany know it!

(Curtain.)

(1) (EXPLANATORY.) I regard the idea of this play as a valuable
invention. I call it the Patent Universally-Applicable Automatically
Adjustable Language Drama. This indicates that it is adjustable to any
tongue, and performable in any tongue. The English portions of the play
are to remain jus