, John, and tell me,
Martha, when you have had a quarrel over night, are you not both sorry
for it the next day?" They both declared that they were. "Why, then,"
says she, "I'll tell you how to prevent this for the future, if you
promise to take my advice." They both promised her. "You know," says
she, "that a small spark will set fire to tinder, and that tinder
properly placed will set fire to a house: an angry word is with you as
that spark, for you are both as touchy as tinder, and very often make
your own house too hot to hold you. To prevent this, therefore, and to
live happily for the future, you must solemnly agree, that if one
speaks an angry word, the other will not answer, till he or she has
distinctly called over the alphabet, and the other not reply till he
has told twenty; by this means your passions will be stifled, and
reason will have time to take the rule."

This is the best recipe that was ever given for a married couple to
live in peace. Though John and his wife frequently attempted to
quarrel afterwards, they never could get their passions to a
considerable height; for there was something so droll in thus carrying
on the dispute, that, before they got to the end of the argument, they
saw the absurdity of it, laughed, kissed, and were friends.

V

THE CASE OF MRS. MARGERY

Mrs. Margery was always doing good, and thought she could never
sufficiently gratify those who had done anything to serve her. These
generous sentiments naturally led her to consult the interest of Mr.
Grove, and the rest of her neighbors; and as most of their lands were
meadow, and they depended much on their hay, which had been for many
years greatly damaged by the wet weather, she contrived an instrument
to direct them when to mow their grass with safety, and prevent their
hay being spoiled. They all came to her for advice, and by that means
got in their hay without damage, while most of that in the neighboring
village was spoiled.

This occasioned a very great noise in the country, and so greatly
provoked were the people who resided in the other parishes, that they
absolutely sent old Gaffer Goosecap (a busy fellow in other people's
concerns) to find out evidence against her. The wiseacre happened to
come to her to school, when she was walking about with a raven on one
shoulder, a pigeon on the other, a lark on her hand, and a lamb and a
dog by her side; which indeed made a droll figure, and so surprised
the man t