to the old man. 'Tie her round your waist!' I yelled. Old
Man Hankinson did so, and I pulled him down."

OLD LADY (to motorman on her first drive on an electric car)--"Would
it be dangerous, conductor, if I was to put my foot on the rail?"

MOTORMAN (an Edison man)--"No, mum, not unless you was to put the
other one on the overhead wire."

SALARIES

"And about the salary?" said the movie star.

"Well," said the manager after a moment's thought, "suppose we call it
$5,000 a week?"

"All right."

"Of course, you understand that the $5,000 is merely what we call
it--you will get $500."

Salary--something paid to you for what you do.

Income--something paid to you for what your father did.

"How do you know that Blinks has had a raise in salary?"

"He argues that the world is getting better; that the danger from
monopolies has been greatly magnified, and that human nature isn't so
bad, after all."

SALESMEN AND SALESMANSHIP

"Hey, what did you go and sell them apples fer?"

"Ain't they fer sale?"

"No. Them was the samples we take out to our automobile customers."

"Who," asked the officiating clergyman, formally but impressively,
"gives this bride away?"

"I--I was to," stammered her father, "but I've been a retail salesman
too long to give anything away. Let somebody else do it."

PROSPECTIVE SALESMAN (to sales-manager who has advertised for a
salesman)--"I'm answering your ad in today's paper."

SALES MANAGER--"Had much experience?"

PROSPECTIVE SALESMAN (confidently)--"Yes, sir. I've sold most
everything in my time."

SALES MANAGER--"Then try selling me your services!" Mr. Babcock was
driving through the country, trying to buy a mule. He was directed to
a colored man who had one for sale.

"Do you want to sell a mule?" asked Babcock.

"Yaas, sah," replied the owner. "May I ask whar yo' live, sah?"

"What has that got to do with it?" queried Babcock.

"Well," explained the negro, "I ain't gwine ter transfer dat mule to
nobody dat lives less dan two hundred miles away from here. When I
sells that mule I wants to git rid not only of de mule, but of all
conversation appertainin' to him."

"Mr. Smith, I represent the Stygian Life Insurance Company. I know
you don't want to talk to me or listen to me; I know you have all the
insurance you feel able to pay for. I am not here to tell you your
chances of dying tonight, or of being hit by an automobile on leaving
this