is not possible either. Not even _that_. Absolutely every
avenue is closed to me. How could I touch the soul of a murderer? To
do that one must be intact himself. And if one no longer is, but has a
like spot on his own hands, then he must at least be able to play the
crazy penitent before his confreres, who are to be converted, and
entertain them with a scene of gigantic contrition."

Wuellersdorf nodded.

"Now you see, you agree. But I can't do any of these things any more.
I can no longer play the man in the hair shirt, let alone the dervish
or the fakir, who dances himself to death in the midst of his
self-accusations. And inasmuch as all such things are impossible I
have puzzled out, as the best thing for me, to go away from here and
off to the coal black fellows who know nothing of culture and honor.
Those fortunate creatures! For culture and honor and such rubbish are
to blame for all my trouble. We don't do such things out of passion,
which might be an acceptable excuse. We do them for the sake of mere
notions--notions! And then the one fellow collapses and later the
other collapses, too, only in a worse way."

"Oh pshaw! Innstetten, those are whims, mere fancies. Go to Africa!
What does that mean! It will do for a lieutenant who is in debt. But a
man like you! Are you thinking of presiding over a palaver, in a red
fez, or of entering into blood relationship with a son-in-law of King
Mtesa? Or will you feel your way along the Congo in a tropical helmet,
with six holes in the top of it, until you come out again at Kamerun
or thereabouts? Impossible!"

"Impossible? Why? If _that_ is impossible, what then?"

"Simply stay here and practice resignation. Who, pray, is unoppressed!
Who could not say every day: 'Really a very questionable affair.' You
know, I have also a small burden to bear, not the same as yours, but
not much lighter. That talk about creeping around in the primeval
forest or spending the night in an ant hill is folly. Whoever cares
to, may, but it is not the thing for us. The best thing is to stand in
the gap and hold out till one falls, but, until then, to get as much
out of life as possible in the small and even the smallest things,
keeping one eye open for the violets when they bloom, or the Luise
monument when it is decorated with flowers, or the little girls with
high lace shoes when they skip the rope. Or drive out to Potsdam and
go into the Church of Peace, where Emperor Frederick lies, an