Can we help you with anything else?

SCHMOCK.

What should you be able to help me with? [_Examining his boots and
clothes_.] I have everything in order now. My trouble is only that I
have got into the wrong occupation. I must try to get out of
literature.

ADELAIDE (_sympathetically_.)

It is very hard, I suppose, to feel at home in literature?

SCHMOCK.

That depends. My editor is an unfair man. He cuts out too much and
pays too little. "Attend to your style first of all," says he; "a good
style is the chief thing." "Write impressively, Schmock," says he;
"write profoundly; it is required of a newspaper today that it be
profound." Good! I write profoundly, I make my style logical! But when
I bring him what I have done he hurls it away from him and shrieks:
"What is that? That is heavy, that is pedantic!" says he. "You must
write dashingly; it's brilliant you must be, Schmock. It is now the
fashion to make everything pleasant for the reader." What am I to do?
I write dashingly again; I put a great deal of brilliant stuff in the
article; and when I bring it he takes his red pencil and strikes out
all that is commonplace and leaves me only the brilliant stuff
remaining.

COLONEL.

Are such things possible?

SCHMOCK.

How can I exist under such treatment? How can I write him only
brilliant stuff at less than a penny a line. I can't exist under it!
And that is why I'm going to try to get out of the business. If only I
could earn twenty-five to thirty dollars, I would never in my life
write again for a newspaper; I would then set up for myself in
business--a little business that could support me.

ADELAIDE.

Wait a moment! [_Looks into her purse_.]

COLONEL (_hastily coming forward_).

Leave that to me, dear Adelaide. The young man wants to cease being a
journalist. That appeals to me. Here, here is money such as you desire
if you will promise me from this day on not to touch a pen again for a
newspaper. Here, take it.

SCHMOCK.

A Prussian bank note--twenty-five thalers in currency? On my honor, I
promise you, on my honor and salvation, I go this very day to a cousin
of mine who has a paying business. Would you like an I.O.U., Colonel,
or shall I make out a long-term promissory note?

COLONEL.

Get out with your promissory note!

SCHMOCK.

Then I will write out a regular I.O.U. I prefer it to be only an
I.O.U.

COLONEL (_impatiently_).

I don't want your I.O.U. either. Sir, for God's sake g