t Lygia is more to me than all Rome and
its lordship; and I would let society vanish could I have her in my
house. But that is another thing. Agreement in words does not satisfy
the Christians; a man must feel that their teaching is truth, and not
have aught else in his soul. But that, the gods are my witnesses, is
beyond me. Dost understand what that means? There is something in my
nature which shudders at this religion; and were my lips to glorify it,
were I to conform to its precepts, my soul and my reason would say that
I do so through love for Lygia, and that apart from her there is to me
nothing on earth more repulsive. And, a strange thing, Paul of Tarsus
understands this, and so does that old theurgus Peter, who in spite of
all his simplicity and low origin is the highest among them, and was
the disciple of Christ. And dost thou know what they are doing? They are
praying for me, and calling down something which they call grace; but
nothing descends on me, save disquiet, and a greater yearning for Lygia.

"I have written thee that she went away secretly; but when going she
left me a cross which she put together from twigs of boxwood. When I
woke up, I found it near my bed. I have it now in the lararium, and I
approach it yet, I cannot tell why, as if there were something divine in
it,--that is, with awe and reverence. I love it because her hand bound
it, and I hate it because it divides us. At times it seems to me that
there are enchantments of some kind in all this affair, and that the
theurgus, Peter, though he declares himself to be a simple shepherd,
is greater than Apollonius, and all who preceded him, and that he has
involved us all--Lygia, Pomponia, and me--with them.

"Thou hast written that in my previous letter disquiet and sadness are
visible. Sadness there must be, for I have lost her again, and there
is disquiet because something has changed in me. I tell thee sincerely,
that nothing is more repugnant to my nature than that religion, and
still I cannot recognize myself since I met Lygia. Is it enchantment,
or love? Circe changed people's bodies by touching them, but my soul
has been changed. No one but Lygia could have done that, or rather Lygia
through that wonderful religion which she professes. When I returned
to my house from the Christians, no one was waiting for me. The slaves
thought that I was in Beneventum, and would not return soon; hence there
was disorder in the house. I found the slaves