! I was outraged beyond endurance: _she_ had slighted, _he_
had insulted me! Such a provocation as he gave me could have but one
expiation. He could not, by any pretext, refuse me satisfaction. But was
I as ready to ask it? Was it so very certain that I would insist upon
this reparation? He was certain to wound, he might kill me! I believe I
cried over that thought. To be cut off in the bud of one's youth, in
the very spring-time of one's enjoyment,--I could not say of one's
utility,--to go down unnoticed to the grave, never appreciated, never
understood, with vulgar and mistaken judgments upon one's character and
motives! I thought my heart would burst with the affliction of such
a picture, and I said, "No, Potts, live; and reply to such would-be
slanderers by the exercise of the qualities of your great nature."
Numberless beautiful little episodes came thronging to my memory of
good men, men whose personal gallantry had won them a world-wide renown,
refusing to fight a duel. "We are to storm the citadel to-morrow,
Colonel," said one; "let us see which of us will be first up the
breach." How I loved that fellow for his speech; and I tortured my mind
how, as there was no citadel to be carried by assault, I could apply
its wisdom to my own case. What if I were to say, "Count, the world is
before us,--a world full of trials and troubles. With the common fortune
of humanity, we are certain each of us to have our share. What if we
meet on this spot, say ten years hence, and see who has best acquitted
himself in the conflict?" I wonder what he would say. The Germans are
a strange, imaginative, dreamy sort of folk. Is it not likely that he
would be struck by a notion so undeniably original? Is it not probable
that he would seize my hand with rapture, and say, "Ja! I agree"?
Still, it is possible that he might not; he might be one of those vulgar
matter-of-fact creatures who will regard nothing through the tinted
glass of fancy; he might ridicule the project, and tell it at breakfast
as a joke. I felt almost smothered as this notion crossed me.

I next bethought me of the privileges of my rank. Could I, as an R.
H., accept the vulgar hazards of a personal encounter? Would not such
conduct be derogatory in one to whom great destinies might one day be
committed? Not that I lent myself, be it remarked, to the delusion
of being a prince; but that I felt, if the line of conduct would be
objectionable to men in my rank and condition,