carry out secret instructions invariably
brings--desertion by the Government from which such instructions
are received. In diplomacy, failure is a crime never forgiven.
Abandoned by my Government I am now little better than an outlaw
here. Two courses remain open to me--to go back in disgrace and
live obscurely for the remainder of my life, or to risk my life by
hanging on desperately here with an almost hopeless possibility
before me of accomplishing something to serve my Government and
rehabilitate myself.

The matter of the stolen plans is being taken up by our Ambassador
at the Sublime Porte. The British Embassy is suspected. What
folly! I possess a third set of plans. Our Embassy ought to send
to Trebizond for them. I don't know what to do.

_May 12._ A letter I wrote May 10 to the German Embassy has been
stolen. I am now greatly worried about the third set of plans. It
seems safest to include the box containing them among the baggage
of the American missionary, the Reverend Wilbour Carew; and, too,
for me to seek shelter with him.

As I am now afraid that an enemy may impersonate an official of
the German Embassy, I have the missionary's promise that he will
retain and conceal the contents of my box until I instruct him
otherwise. I am practically in hiding at his house, and in actual
fear of my life.

_May 15._ The missionary and his wife and baby travel to
Gallipoli, where an American school for girls is about to be
opened.

Today, in a cafe, I noticed that the flies, swarming on the edge
of my coffee cup, fell into the saucer dead. I did not taste my
coffee.

_May 16._ Last night a shot was fired through my door. I have
decided to travel to Gallipoli with the missionary.

_May 18._ My groom stole and ate an orange from my breakfast tray.
He is dead.

_May 20._ The Reverend Mr. Carew and his wife are most kind and
sympathetic. They are good people, simple, kindly, brave,
faithful, and fearlessly devoted to God's service in this vile
land of treachery and lies.

_May 21._ I have confessed to the Reverend Mr. Carew as I would
confess to a priest in holy orders. I have told him all under
pledge of secrecy. I told him also that the sanctuary he offers
might be violated with evil consequences to him; and that I would
travel as far as Gallipoli with him and then leave