ir!--me!--he means me!--There--what do you think now?--but go on a
little further.

ABSOLUTE
Impudent scoundrel!--[Reads.] _it shall go hard but I will elude her
vigilance, as I am told that the same ridiculous vanity, which makes
her dress up her coarse features, and deck her dull chat with hard
words which she don't understand_----

Mrs. MALAPROP
There, sir, an attack upon my language! what do you think of that?--an
aspersion upon my parts of speech! was ever such a brute! Sure, if I
reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue,
and a nice derangement of epitaphs!

ABSOLUTE
He deserves to be hanged and quartered! let me see--[Reads.] _same
ridiculous vanity_----

Mrs. MALAPROP
You need not read it again, sir.

ABSOLUTE
I beg pardon, ma'am.--[Reads.] _does also lay her open to the grossest
deceptions from flattery and pretended admiration_--an impudent
coxcomb!--_so that I have a scheme to see you shortly with the old
harridan's consent, and even to make her a go-between in our
interview._--Was ever such assurance!

Mrs. MALAPROP
Did you ever hear anything like it?--he'll elude my vigilance, will
he--yes, yes! ha! ha! he's very likely to enter these doors;--we'll try
who can plot best!

ABSOLUTE
So we will, ma'am--so we will! Ha! ha! ha! a conceited puppy, ha! ha!
ha!--Well, but Mrs. Malaprop, as the girl seems so infatuated by this
fellow, suppose you were to wink at her corresponding with him for a
little time--let her even plot an elopement with him--then do you
connive at her escape--while I, just in the nick, will have the fellow
laid by the heels, and fairly contrive to carry her off in his stead.

Mrs. MALAPROP
I am delighted with the scheme; never was anything better perpetrated!

ABSOLUTE
But, pray, could not I see the lady for a few minutes now?--I should
like to try her temper a little.

Mrs. MALAPROP
Why, I don't know--I doubt she is not prepared for a visit of this
kind. There is a decorum in these matters.

ABSOLUTE
O Lord! she won't mind me--only tell her Beverley----

Mrs. MALAPROP
Sir!

ABSOLUTE
[Aside.] Gently, good tongue.

Mrs. MALAPROP
What did you say of Beverley?

ABSOLUTE
Oh, I was going to propose that you should tell her, by way of jest,
that it was Beverley who was below; she'd come down fast enough
then--ha! ha! ha!

Mrs. MALAPROP
'Twould be a trick she well deserves; besides, you know the fellow
tells her he'll get my consent to s