o scratch it off and put mine on. I am
certain that I am competent, for who ought to know better than I do?
Nobody. I will allow that Swan is the best auditor in the state;
that is, till I am elected: then perhaps it's not proper for me to
say anything more. Yet, as an honest man, I am bound to say that I
believe it's a grievous sin to hide anything from my
fellow-citizens; therefore say that it's my private opinion,
publicly expressed, that I'll make the best auditor ever in the
United States. 'Tis not for honour I wish to be auditor; for in my
own county I was offered an office that was all honour--coroner,
which I respectfully declined. The auditor's office is worth some
5000 dollars a year, and I am in for it like a thousand of brick. To
shew my goodness of heart, I'll make this offer to my competitor.
I'm sure of being elected, and he will lose something by the
canvass, therefore I am willing to divide equally with him, and make
these offers: I'll take the salary, and he may have the honour, or
he may have the honour, and I'll take the salary.

In the way of honours, I have received enough to satisfy me for
life. I went out to Mexico, ate pork and beans, slept in the rain
and mud, and swallowed everything but live Mexicans. When I was
ordered to go, I went; 'charge,' I charged; and 'break for the
chaperel'--you had better believe I beat a quarter nag in doing my
duty.

My competitor, Swan, is a bird of golden plumage, who has been
swimming for the last four years in the auditor's pond at 5000
dollars a year. I am for rotation. I want to rotate him out, and to
rotate myself in. There's a plenty of room for him to swim outside
of that pond; therefore _pop_ in your votes for me--I'll _pop_ him
out, and _pop_ myself in.

I am for a division of labour. Swan says he has to work all the
time, with his nose down upon the public grindstone. Four years must
have ground it to a _pint_. Poor fellow! the public ought not to
insist on having the handle of his mug ground clean off. I have a
large, full-grown, and well-blown nose, red as a beet, and tough as
sole-leather. I rush to the post of duty; I offer it up as a
sacrifice; I clap it on the grindstone. Fellow-citizens, grind till
I _holler enuff_--that'll be sometime first, for I'll hang like grim
death to a dead African.

Time's most out. Well, I like to forgot to tell you my name. It's
Daniel; for short, Dan. Not a handsome name, for my parents were
poor people, who