udgment against himself, that he was most justly worthy
of eternal damnation, he was astonished that he had not been immediately
struck dead in the midst of his wickedness, and (which I think deserves
particular remark) though he assuredly believed that he should ere long
be in hell, and settled it as a point with himself for several months
that the wisdom and justice of God did almost necessarily require
that such an enormous sinner should be made an example of everlasting
vengeance, and a spectacle as such both to angels and men, so that he
hardly durst presume to pray for pardon; yet what he then suffered was
not so much from the fear of hell, though he concluded it would soon be
his portion, as from a sense of that horrible ingratitude he had shown
to the God of his life, and to that blessed Redeemer who had been in so
affecting a manner set forth as crucified before him.

To this he refers in a letter dated from Douglas, the 1st of April 1725,
communicated to me by his lady,[*] but I know not to whom it was addressed.
His words are these: "One thing relating to my conversion, and a
remarkable instance of the goodness of God to me, _the chief of sinners_,
I do not remember that I ever told to any other person. It was this,
that after the astonishing sight I had of my blessed Lord, the terrible
condition in which I was proceeded not so much from the terrors of the
law, as from a sense of having been so ungrateful a monster to him whom I
thought I saw pierced for my transgressions." I the rather insert these
words, as they evidently attest the circumstance which may seem most
amazing in this affair, and contain so express a declaration of his own
apprehension concerning it.

[*Note: Where I make any extracts as from Colonel Gardiner's letters,
they are either from originals, which I have in my own hands, or from
copies which were transmitted to me from persons of undoubted credit,
chiefly by the Right Honourable the Lady Frances Gardiner, through the
hands of the Rev. Mr. Webster, one of the ministers of Edinburgh. This
I the rather mention, because some letters have been brought to me as
Colonel Gardiner's, concerning which I have not only been very dubious,
but morally certain that they could not have been written by him. I have
also heard of many who have been fond of assuring the world that they
were well acquainted with him, and were near him when he fell, whose
reports have been most inconsistent with each other