ntrive how the greatest possible quantity of labour
may be got out of me; and to that end she overwhelms me with oceans of
needle-work; yards of cambric to hem, muslin nightcaps to make, and,
above all things, dolls to dress. I do not think she likes me at all,
because I can't help being shy in such an entirely novel scene,
surrounded as I have hitherto been by strange and constantly changing
faces . . . I used to think I should like to be in the stir of grand
folks' society; but I have had enough of it--it is dreary work to look on
and listen. I see more clearly than I have ever done before, that a
private governess has no existence, is not considered as a living
rational being, except as connected with the wearisome duties she has to
fulfil . . . One of the pleasantest afternoons I have spent here--indeed,
the only one at all pleasant--was when Mr. --- walked out with his
children, and I had orders to follow a little behind. As he strolled on
through his fields, with his magnificent Newfoundland dog at his side, he
looked very like what a frank, wealthy, Conservative gentleman ought to
be. He spoke freely and unaffectedly to the people he met, and, though
he indulged his children and allowed them to tease himself far too much,
he would not suffer them grossly to insult others."

(WRITTEN IN PENCIL TO A FRIEND.)

"July, 1839.

"I cannot procure ink, without going into the drawing-room, where I do
not wish to go . . . I should have written to you long since, and told
you every detail of the utterly new scene into which I have lately been
cast, had I not been daily expecting a letter from yourself, and
wondering and lamenting that you did not write; for you will remember it
was your turn. I must not bother you too much with my sorrows, of which,
I fear, you have heard an exaggerated account. If you were near me,
perhaps I might be tempted to tell you all, to grow egotistical, and pour
out the long history of a private governess's trials and crosses in her
first situation. As it is, I will only ask you to imagine the miseries
of a reserved wretch like me, thrown at once into the midst of a large
family, at a time when they were particularly gay--when the house was
filled with company--all strangers--people whose faces I had never seen
before. In this state I had charge given me of a set of pampered,
spoilt, turbulent children, whom I was expected constantly to amuse, as
well as to instruct. I soon found that th