favorable judgment: Lee not even
moderately intelligent. Lee is _stupid_. Go away."

After that there was nothing more; nothing but static in the phones and
the "green dancer" fainted away playing dead. The Brain actually had
"hung up the receiver." I had flunked the exam; like a bad servant I was
dismissed, fired on the spot. That was at 1:30 a.m.

It was 3 a.m. when I reached the hotel. I went into the bar and ordered
a double Scotch and then another one. I really needed a drink. A
drunk--or was it a secret service man; one never knows over here--patted
me on the shoulder:

"Don't take it so hard, old man; the world is full of girls." I told him
that it wasn't a girl, but that I was a missionary and my one and only
convert had just walked out on me.

It wasn't even a lie, it was exactly the way I felt. He agreed that this
was very cruel, very sad; he almost cried over my misfortune and rare
misery, so that we had another drink....

If only I had somebody, some friend to whom I could confide this whole,
incredible, preposterous thing. But there is none: Scriven--Gus--not
even Oona would or could believe. What proof have I to offer? None
whatsoever.

The Brain would never communicate with me with witnesses present or
recording wires. It would detect those immediately and I would only
stand convicted as a liar or worse. Tonight's events might well spell
the end, the closing of the door just when I thought I stood on the
threshold of a momentous discovery....

* * * * *

Cephalon Ariz. Nov. 11th.

Went to the P. G. last night. Tried everything for over an hour. Result:
zero. No contact with The Brain.

* * * * *

Cephalon Ariz. Nov. 13th.

I tried it again. Took greatest care in exactly duplicating conditions.
Nothing. I don't think it's any mechanical defect. It's the negativism
of a will. Ludicrous as it sounds, The Brain sulks, it is angry with me.

* * * * *

Cephalon Ariz. Nov. 15th.

Last night the same old story. The Brain punishes me. I dare say that it
succeeds in that exceedingly well; it almost drives me crazy.

I've done a lot of thinking over these past six days of frustration.
I've also been reading a good deal in context with the phenomena
psychology, Osterkamp's history of brain-surgery, Van Gehuchten's work
on brain mechanisms, etc. I've reached certain conclusions and, just for
the hell of i