under either about relief or any detail; without it, he
is almost certain, in any charitable relations with members of the
family, to blunder seriously. Visitors have said to me that they could
not see that they had been of any special service, though their
friendly feeling for certain families made it impossible to stop
visiting. These visitors {181} who have no story to tell have often
done the greatest good. "One of the women we had not seen since she
first came to us some four years before," writes Miss Frances Smith,
"and we remembered her distinctly as quite ordinary then. Imagine our
surprise in finding that a certain dignity and earnestness, akin to
that of the visitor, had crept into this woman's life, and found
expression in her face and bearing. Such transfigurations cannot take
place in a few weeks or months; they are of slow growth, but they are
the best rewards of friendship." [1]

The rewards of friendly visiting and the best results of such work are
obviously not dependent upon the suggestions of a handbook. As Miss
Octavia Hill has said, success in this depends no more on rules than
does that of a young lady who begins housekeeping. "Certain things she
should indeed know; but whether she manages well or ill depends mainly
upon what she is." Life, therefore, is the best school.
Meddlesomeness, {182} lack of tact, impatience for results,
carelessness in keeping engagements and promises, will be as fatal here
as anywhere.

When we are depressed by a family's troubles and are striving earnestly
to find a way out, theirs seem quite unlike any other troubles. In a
sense, it is true that they are unlike; but there are certain
resemblances between human beings, even when a continent divides them;
and, unsafe though it may be to administer charity by rule, it is more
unsafe to administer it without reference to certain general
principles. Many of the suggestions of this book are not of universal
application, but, in bringing it to a close, I shall endeavor to state
a few principles that apply quite universally to friendly visiting.

1. The friendly visitor should get well acquainted with all the
members of the family without trying to force their confidence. A
fault of beginners is that they are unwilling to wait for the natural
development of trust and friendliness. "They expect to make a half
dozen visits on a poor family inside of a month," says Miss Birtwell,
"and see them {183} helped. Now,