head, by which he had won a crown-piece from Deacon
Paunch, who wagered that the wife and me would eat it, without ever
finding out our mistake. But, aha, lad!

The long and the short of the matter was this. The Willie-Goat had, for
eighteen year, belonged to a dragoon marching regiment, and, in its
better days, had seen a power of service abroad; till, being now old and
infirm, it had fallen off one of the baggage-carts, and got its leg
broken on the road to Piershill, where it was sold to Cursecowl, by a
corporal, for half-a-crown and a dram. The four quarters he had managed
to sell for mutton, like lightning--this one buying a jigget, that one a
back-ribs, and so on. However, he had to weather a gey brisk gale in
making his point good. One woman remarked that it had an unearthly, rank
smell; to which he said, "No, no--ye do not ken your blessings,
friend,--that's the smell of venison, for the beast was brought up along
with the deers in the Duke's parks." And to another wife, that, after
smell-smelling at it, thought it was a wee humphed, he replied, "Faith,
that's all the thanks folk gets for letting their sheep crop heather
among the Cheviot-Hills;" and such like lies. But as for the head, that
had been the doure business. Six times had it been sold and away, and
six times had it been brought back again. One bairn said, that her
"mother didna like a sheep's head with horns like these, and wanted it
changed for another one." A second one said, that "it had tup's een, and
her father liked wether mutton." A third customer found mortal fault
with the colours, which, she said, "were not canny, or in the course of
nature." What the fourth one said, and the fifth one took leave to
observe, I have stupidly forgotten, though, I am sure, I heard both; but
I mind one remarked, quite off-hand, as she sought back her money, that,
"unless sheep could do without beards, like their neighbours, she would
keep the pot boiling with a piece beef, in the mean time." After all
this, would any mortal man believe it, Deacon Paunch, the greasy Daniel
Lambert that he is, had taken the wager, as I before took opportunity to
remark, that our family would swallow the bait? But, aha, he was off his
eggs there!

James and me were so tickled with Cursecowl's wild, outrageous, off-hand,
humoursome way of telling his crack, that, though sore with neighering,
none of the two of us ever thought of rising; Cursecowl chapping in first
o