I felt again the
remorseless swash of the water over neat boots and immaculate hose; I
saw the perverse intricacies of its meanderings over the carpet, upon
which the "foolish" pitcher had been confidingly deposited; I knew,
beyond the necessity of ocular demonstration, that, as sure as there
were "pipe-hole" or crack in the ceiling of the study below, those
inanimate things would inevitably put their evil heads together, and
bring to grief the long-suffering Dominie, with whom, during my day,
such inundations had been of at least bi-weekly occurrence, instigated
by crinoline. The inherent wickedness of that "thing of beauty" will be
acknowledged by all mankind, and by every female not reduced to the
deplorable poverty of the heroine of the following veracious anecdote.

A certain good bishop, on making a tour of inspection through a
mission-school of his diocese, was so impressed by the aspect of all its
beneficiaries that his heart overflowed with joy, and he exclaimed to a
little maiden whose appearance was particularly suggestive of
creature-comforts,--"Why, my little girl! you have everything that heart
can wish, haven't you?" Imagine the bewilderment and horror of the
prelate, when the miniature Flora McFlimsey drew down the corners of her
mouth lugubriously, and sought to accommodate the puffs and dimples of
her fat little body to an expression of abject misery, as she
replied,--"No, indeed, Sir! I haven't got any--skeleton!"

We who have suffered know the disposition of graceless "skeletons" to
hang themselves on "foolish" pitchers, bureau-knobs, rockers,
cobble-stones, splinters, nails, and, indeed, any projection a tenth of
a line beyond a dead level.

The mention of nails is suggestive of voluminous distresses.
Country-parsonages, from some inexplicable reason, are wont to bristle
all over with these impish assailants of human comfort.

I never ventured to leave my masculine relatives to their own devices
for more than twenty-four consecutive hours, that I did not return to
find that they had seemingly manifested their grief at my absence after
the old Hebraic method, ("more honored in the breach than the
observance,") by rending their garments. When summoned to their account,
the invariable defence has been a vehement denunciation of some
particular _nail_ as the guilty cause of my woes.

By the way, O Christian woman of the nineteenth century, did it ever
enter your heart to give devout thanks that you