ets a bit mixed
with the two Russian e's. That is, he puts them in right enough, why
shouldn't he? only not in their proper places. Well, there's a
misfortune for you! I guess I won't find the way to Poltava fair if the
child cannot put the e's where they belong! When they brought the good
news, _she_ turned the town inside out; ran to the director, declared
that the boy _could_ do it; to prove it, let him be had up again! They
paid her as much attention as if she were last year's snow, put a two,
and another sort of two, and a two with a dash! Call me nut-crackers,
but there was a commotion. "Failed again!" say I to her. "And if so,"
say I, "what is to be done? Are we to commit suicide? A Jew," say I, "is
used to that sort of thing," upon which she fired up and blazed away and
stormed and scolded as only she can. But I let you off! He, poor child,
was in a pitiable state. Talk of cruelty to animals! Just think: the
other boys in little white buttons, and not he! I reason with him: "You
little fool! What does it matter? Who ever heard of an examination at
which everyone passed? Somebody must stay at home, mustn't they? Then
why not you? There's really nothing to make such a fuss about." My wife,
overhearing, goes off into a fresh fury, and falls upon me. "A fine
comforter _you_ are," says she, "who asked you to console him with that
sort of nonsense? You'd better see about getting him a proper teacher,"
says she, "a private teacher, a Russian, for grammar!"

You hear that? Now I must have two teachers for him--one teacher and a
Rebbe are not enough. Up and down, this way and that way, she got the
best of it, as usual.

What next? We engaged a second teacher, a Russian this time, not a Jew,
preserve us, but a real Gentile, because grammar in the first class, let
me tell you, is no trifle, no shredded horseradish! Gra-ma-ti-ke,
indeed! The two e's! Well, I was telling about the teacher that God sent
us for our sins. It's enough to make one blush to remember the way he
treated us, as though we had been the mud under his feet. Laughed at us
to our face, he did, devil take him, and the one and only thing he could
teach him was: tshasnok, tshasnoka, tshasnoku, tshasnokom. If it hadn't
been for _her_, I should have had him by the throat, and out into the
street with his blessed grammar. But to _her_ it was all right and as it
should be. Now the boy will know which e to put. If you'll believe me,
they tormented him through tha