n of such manifold duties as are imposed, in perpetuity,
upon the Town Pump?

2. The title of town treasurer is rightfully mine, as guardian of the best
treasure the town has. The overseers of the poor ought to make me their
chairman, since I provide bountifully for the pauper, without expense to
him that pays taxes. I am at the head of the fire department, and one of
the physicians of the board of health. As a keeper or the peace, all water
drinkers confess me equal to the constable. I perform some of the duties
of the town clerk, by promulgating public notices, when they are pasted on
my front.

3. To speak within bounds, I am chief person of the municipality, and
exhibit, moreover, an admirable pattern to my brother officers by the
cool, steady, upright, downright, and impartial discharge of my business,
and the constancy with which I stand to my post. Summer or winter, nobody
seeks me in vain; for all day long I am seen at the busiest corner, just
above the market, stretching out my arms to rich and poor alike; and at
night I hold a lantern over my head, to show where I am, and to keep
people out of the gutters.

4. At this sultry noontide, I am cupbearer to the parched populace, for
whose benefit an iron goblet is chained to my waist Like a dramseller on
the public square, on a muster day, I cry aloud to all and sundry, in my
plainest accents, and at the very tiptop of my voice. "Here it is,
gentlemen! Here is the good liquor! Walk up, walk up, gentlemen, walk up,
walk up! Here is the superior stuff! Here is the unadulterated ale of
father Adam! better than Cognac, Hollands, Jamaica, strong beer, or wine
of any price; here it is, by the hogshead or the single glass, and not a
cent to pay. Walk up, gentlemen, walk up and help yourselves!"

5. It were a pity if all this outcry should draw no customers. Here they
come. A hot day, gentlemen. Quaff and away again, so as to keep yourselves
in a nice, cool sweat. You, my friend, will need another cupful to wash
the dust out of your throat, if it be as thick there as it is on your
cowhide shoes. I see that you have trudged half a score of miles to-day,
and, like a wise man, have passed by the taverns, and stopped at the
running brooks and well curbs. Otherwise, betwixt heat without and fire
within, you would have been burnt to a cinder, or melted down to nothing
at all--in the fashion of a jellyfish.

6. Drink, and make room for that other fellow, who seeks my aid to q