case before him than
if they won it."--_Irish Times_.

We assume that they were Irishmen.

* * * * *

"Elderly Lady Requires Post, as companion, Secretary or any
position of trust, would keep clergyman's wife in Parish,
etc."--_Church Family Newspaper_.

But the difficulty with the parson's wife in some parishes, we are
told, is just the reverse of this.

* * * * *

"Duck and drake (wild) wanted; must be tame."--_Scotsman_.

We dislike this frivolity in a serious paper.

* * * * *

[Illustration: OUR YOUNG VETERANS.

_Grandfather_. "JUST HAD A TOPPING BIT OF NEWS, OLD DEAR. GERALD'S
WANGLED THE D.S.O."

_Granny_. "ABSOLUTELY _PRICELESS_, OLD THING. ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT
CHILD WAS _SOME_ NIB."]

* * * * *

THE MUD LARKS.

Albert Edward and I are on detachment just now. I can't mention what
job we are on because HINDENBURG is listening. He watches every move
made by Albert Edward and me and disposes his forces accordingly. Now
and again he forestalls us, now and again he don't. On the former
occasions he rings up LUDENDORFF, and they make a night of it with
beer and song; on the latter he pushes the bell violently for the old
German god.

The spot Albert Edward and I inhabit just now is very interesting;
things happen all round us. There is a tame balloon tied by a string
to the back garden, an ammunition column on either flank and an
infantry battalion camped in front. Aeroplanes buzz overhead in flocks
and there is a regular tank service past the door. One way and another
our present location fairly teems with life; Albert Edward says it
reminds him of London. To heighten the similarity we get bombed every
night.

Promptly after Mess the song of the bomb-bird is heard. The
searchlights stab and slash about the sky like tin swords in a stage
duel; presently they pick up the bomb-bird--a glittering flake of
tinsel--and the racket begins. Archibalds pop, machine guns chatter,
rifles crack, and here and there some optimistic sportsman browns the
Milky Way with a revolver. As Sir I. NEWTON'S law of gravity is still
in force and all that goes up must come down again, it is advisable to
wear a parasol on one's walks abroad.

In view of the heavy lead-fall Albert Edward and I decided to have a
dug-out. We dug down six inches and struck water in massed formation.