ive me eightpence, then we
shall be all right."

The conductor doled out to her the eightpence--the sixpence he had taken
from the first lady, with a penny and two halfpennies out of his own
bag--distrustfully, and retired, muttering something about his duties not
including those of a lightning calculator.

"Now," said the elder lady to the younger, "I owe you a shilling."

I deemed the incident closed, when suddenly a florid gentleman on the
opposite seat called out in stentorian tones:--

"Hi, conductor! you've cheated these ladies out of fourpence."

"'Oo's cheated 'oo out 'o fourpence?" replied the indignant conductor
from the top of the steps, "it was a twopenny fare."

"Two twopences don't make eightpence," retorted the florid gentleman
hotly. "How much did you give the fellow, my dear?" he asked, addressing
the first of the young ladies.

"I gave him sixpence," replied the lady, examining her purse. "And then
I gave you fourpence, you know," she added, addressing her companion.

"That's a dear two pen'oth," chimed in a common-looking man on the seat
behind.

"Oh, that's impossible, dear," returned the other, "because I owed you
sixpence to begin with."

"But I did," persisted the first lady.

"You gave me a shilling," said the conductor, who had returned, pointing
an accusing forefinger at the elder of the ladies.

The elder lady nodded.

"And I gave you sixpence and two pennies, didn't I?"

The lady admitted it.

"An' I give 'er"--he pointed towards the younger lady--"fourpence, didn't
I?"

"Which I gave you, you know, dear," remarked the younger lady.

"Blow me if it ain't _me_ as 'as been cheated out of the fourpence,"
cried the conductor.

"But," said the florid gentleman, "the other lady gave you sixpence."

"Which I give to 'er," replied the conductor, again pointing the finger
of accusation at the elder lady. "You can search my bag if yer like. I
ain't got a bloomin' sixpence on me."

By this time everybody had forgotten what they had done, and contradicted
themselves and one another. The florid man took it upon himself to put
everybody right, with the result that before Piccadilly Circus was
reached three passengers had threatened to report the conductor for
unbecoming language. The conductor had called a policeman and had taken
the names and addresses of the two ladies, intending to sue them for the
fourpence (which they wanted to pay, but which the florid man would not
al