The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bib Ballads, by Ring W. Lardner

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Title: Bib Ballads

Author: Ring W. Lardner

Illustrator: Fontaine Fox

Release Date: July 3, 2008 [EBook #25961]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ASCII

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BIB BALLADS

[Illustration]

Copyright 1915
P. F. Volland & Co.
Chicago, U. S. A.
(All Rights Reserved)

BIB BALLADS

BY

RING W. LARDNER

ILLUSTRATED BY
FONTAINE FOX

[Illustration]

Published by
P. F. VOLLAND & CO.
NEW YORK CHICAGO TORONTO

FOREWORD

Dear Parents:--Don't imagine, please,
It's in a boastful spirit
I fashion verses such as these;
That's not the truth or near it.

A hundred or a thousand, yes,
A million kids there may be
Who aren't one iota less
Attractive than this baby.

I'll venture that your household has
As valuable a treasure
As mine, but mine I know, and as
For yours, I've not that pleasure.

And that is why my book's about
Just one, O Dads and Mothers;
But babes are babes, and mine, no doubt,
Is very much like others.

THE AUTHOR

[Illustration]

BIB BALLADS

[Illustration]

GOOD-BY BILL

Dollar Bill, that I've held so tight
Ever since payday, a week ago,
Shall I purchase with you tonight
A pair of seats at the vaudeville show?
(Hark! A voice from the easy chair:
"Look at his shoes! We must buy a pair.")

Dollar Bill, from the wreckage saved,
Tell me, how shall I squander you?
Shall I be shined, shampooed and shaved,
Singed and trimmed 'round the edges, too?
(Hark! A voice from the easy chair:
"He hasn't a romper that's fit to wear.")

Dollar Bill, that I cherished so,
Think of the cigarettes you'd buy,
Turkish ones, with a kick, you know;
Makin's eventually tire a guy.
(Hark! A voice from the easy chair:
"Look at those stockin