to be done," I said. "You must get into
Parliament and bring in a Bill about it. All might yet be well if you
were an Emma Pip."

* * * * *

THE HUNGRY HUNS.

"The _Berliner Tageblatt's_ correspondent states that the ground
at St. Pierre Vaast has been converted into a marsh in which
half-frozen soldiers, wet to the skin and knee-deep in mud, absorb
the shells."

_New Zealand Paper._

* * * * *

"The dispute, he claimed, was not started by the employees, but by
the employer making sweeping reductions in the ages of the men."

_Daily Paper._

If he wants to do this sort of thing with impunity he should employ
women.

* * * * *

A FOOD PROBLEM.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,--Please _do_ tell me. Must I count sausages under
the meat or the bread allowance? I do so want to help my country
_faithfully_.

Yours,
WORRIED HOUSEWIFE.

* * * * *

"REWARD 2s. 6d. Lost, a small Silver Toothpick, value
sentimental."

_Nottingham Evening Post._

The latest thing in love-tokens.

* * * * *

"After a debate lasting three days, the Senate rejected the motion
approving Mr. Wilson's Nose."--_The Bulletin (Lahore)._

The Senate has since shown its impartiality by registering its
profound disapproval of the KAISER'S Cheek.

* * * * *

"A special constable has received the Silver Medal of the Society
for Protection of Life from fire for his gallantry in mounting
a ladder at a local fire last May and rescuing a cook."--_Daily
Paper._

It is understood that members of the regular "force" consider that he
showed some presumption in not leaving this particular task to them.

* * * * *

[Illustration: BLIGHTED PROSPECTS.

BERNSTORFF (_bitterly_). "PRETTY MESS YOU'VE MADE OF IT WITH YOUR NEW
FRIGHTFULNESS. I'VE LOST MY JOB!"

HINDENBURG (_also bitterly_). "WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME TO MINE."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Dug-out_ (_who has been put off on the last three
greens by his caddie sneezing, and has now foozled his putt again_).
"CONFOUND YOU! WHY DIDN'T YOU SNEEZE? I WAS COUNTING ON IT."]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_Wednesday, February 7th._--HIS MAJESTY ope