Temp.
Sunshine. Max. Min. Weather.
Felixstowe 0.0 22 29 Some snow."

_Morning Paper._

And some thermometer.

* * * * *

PETHERTON'S DONKEY;

OR, PATRIOTISM AND PUBLICITY.

I hadn't had a letter-writing bout with Petherton for some time, and,
feeling in need of a little relaxation, I seized the opportunity
afforded by Petherton's installing a very noisy donkey in his paddock
adjoining my garden, and wrote to him as follows:--

DEAR MR. PETHERTON,--I do not like making complaints against a
neighbour, as you know, but the new tenant of your field does not seem
to argue a good selection on your part, unless his braying has a more
soothing effect on you than it has on me.

Yours sincerely,
HARRY J. FORDYCE.

I was evidently in luck, as I drew Petherton's literary fire at once.

SIR (he wrote),--I should have thought that you would have been the
last person in the world to object to this particular noise. Allow
me to inform you that I purchased the donkey for several family and
personal reasons which cannot possibly concern you.

Faithfully yours,
FREDERICK PETHERTON.

I translated this letter rather freely for my own ends, and replied:--

DEAR PETHERTON,--I apologise. I had no idea that the animal was in any
way connected with your family. If it is a poor relation I must say
you are fortunate in being able to fob him (or should it be her?)
off so easily, as he (or she) appears to live a life of comparative
luxury, at little cost, I should imagine, to yourself. I shall be glad
to know whether the animal, in exercising its extraordinary vocal
powers, is calling for his (or her) mate, or merely showing off for
the amusement of your fascinating poultry who share its pleasaunce.

Can't you possibly fit the brute with a silencer, as the noise it
makes is disturbing, especially to me, my study window being very
close to the hedge?

Yours sincerely,
HARRY FORDYCE.

P.S.--I am thinking of laying down a bed of poisoned carrots for early
use. Perhaps with your chemical knowledge you can suggest an effective
top-dressing for them.

Petherton rose to the bait and wrote--the same night--as follows:--

SIR,--In your unfortunate correspondence with me you have always shown
yourself better at rudeness than repartee. Did you not learn at school
the weakness of the _tu quoque_ line of argument? You speak of your