t hurt you, sir?" said I in a soothing and
affectionate tone of voice. "Like the devil," growled the patient. "And
here?" said I. "Oh! oh! I can't bear it any longer." "Oh! I perceive,"
said I, "the thing is just as I expected." Here I raised my eyebrows,
and looked indescribably wise at my confreres.

"No aneurism, doctor," said the tall one.

"Certainly not."

"Maybe," said the short man, "maybe it's a stay-at-home-with-us tumour
after all;" so at least he appeared to pronounce a confounded technical,
which I afterwards learned was "steatomatous;" conceiving that my rosy
friend was disposed to jeer at me, I gave him a terrific frown, and
resumed, "this must not be touched."

"So you won't operate upon it," said the patient.

"I would not take a thousand pounds and do so," I replied. "Now if you
please gentlemen," said I, making a step towards the door, as if to
withdraw for consultation; upon which they accompanied me down stairs to
the breakfast-room. As it was the only time in my life I had performed
in this character, I had some doubts as to the propriety of indulging a
very hearty breakfast appetite, not knowing if it were unprofessional to
eat; but from this doubt my learned friends speedily relieved me, by the
entire devotion which they bestowed for about twenty minutes upon ham,
rolls, eggs, and cutlets, barely interrupting these important occupations
by sly allusions to the old gentleman's malady, and his chance of
recovery.

"Well, doctor," said the pale one, as at length he rested from his
labours, "what are we to do?"

"Ay," said the other, "there's the question."

"Go on," said I, "go on as before; I can't advise you better." Now, this
was a deep stroke of mine; for up to the present moment I do not know
what treatment they were practising; but it looked a shrewd thing to
guess it, and it certainly was civil to approve of it.

"So you think that will be best."

"I am certain--I know nothing better," I answered.

"Well, I'm sure, sir, we have every reason to be gratified for the very
candid manner you have treated us. Sir, I'm your most obedient servant,"
said the fat one.

"Gentlemen, both your good healths and professional success also:" here
I swallowed a petit verre of brandy; thinking all the while there were
worse things than the practice of physic.

"I hope you are not going," said one, as my chaise drew up at the door.

"Business calls me," said I, "and I can't help it."