heart sink,
for the drivers seemed to be paralyzed with terror. The very men who
had heretofore found a great delight in trying to frighten me with
tales of Indian atrocities were now themselves scared out of their
wits. Young and inexperienced though I was, I realized that to be now
attacked by Indians meant to be slaughtered and scalped. Some of the
men were actually crying from fright, seeming to be completely
demoralized. I noticed how one of our men in loading his musket rammed
home a slug of lead, forgetting his charge of powder entirely. The
sight of this disgusted me so that I became furious, and in the measure
that my anger rose my fear subsided and vanished. I railed at the poor
fellow and abused and cursed him shamefully, threatening to kill him
for being a coward and a fool. I made him draw the bullet and reload
his musket in a proper manner.

When I grew older I acquired the faculty to curb the instinctive
feeling of fear which is inborn in all creatures and undoubtedly is a
wise provision of nature, necessary to the continuance of life and
conducive to self-preservation. Knowing that all men who ever lived and
all who now live must surely die, I failed to see anything particularly
fearful in death. I may truthfully say that I have several times met
death face to face squarely and feared not. On these occasions I tried
not to escape what seemed to be my final doom, but in the dim
consciousness of mind that I should be dead long enough anyway, I tried
to delay my departure to a better life as long as possible, exerting
myself exceedingly to accomplish this purpose. Undoubtedly this must
have made me a very undesirable person to contend with in a fight.
Luckily for me, I have never been afflicted with a quarrelsome or
vindictive mind. This is not a boastful or frivolous assertion, but is
uttered in the spirit of thankfulness to the allwise Creator of Heaven
and earth.

Looking around, I beheld a sight which cheered me mightily. There, a
few yards ahead of my wagon, was a great hole in the ground, made by
badgers; or it may have been the palace of a king of prairie dogs.
Quickly I drove my team forward, right over it. Then, pretending to be
rearranging my cargo, I took out the end gate of my wagon and covered
the hole with it. Next, I wet some gunny sacks and placed them on the
ground under the board. Now, thought I, here is my chance for an
honorable retreat if anything should go wrong. I intended to close