ly, I may say, without boasting, that I'm more or
less of an expert in the matter of truth. My mind is trained. Yours,
of course, isn't. That's why I'm trying to help you to tell the truth.
But I won't--in fact, I can't--go on helping you if you wander off on
to side issues about ink-bottles and carpets."

He waved his hand oratorically as he spoke, and tipped the ink-bottle
off the arm of the chair.

"There," said the Major, "I knew you'd do that."

"Never mind," said Meldon. "I have a pencil in my pocket. I'll work
with it."

The Major seized the blotting-paper from his writing-table and went
down on his knees on the carpet.

"When you've finished making that mess worse than it is," said Meldon,
"and covering your own fingers all over with ink in such a way that it
will take days of careful rubbing with pumice-stone to get them clean,
perhaps you'll go on telling me why you call this fellow Simpkins a
meddlesome ass. I was up early this morning, owing to the baby's being
restless during the night. Did I mention to you that she's got
whooping-cough? Well, she has, and it takes her in the form of a rapid
succession of fits, beginning at 10 p.m. and lasting till eight the
next morning. That was what happened last night, so, as you'll readily
understand, I want to get to bed in good time to-night. It may, it
probably will, take hours to drag your grievance out of you, and I
don't see any use in wasting time at the start."

"I paid twenty guineas for that carpet," said the Major. "It's a
Persian one."

"Has that anything to do with Simpkins? Did he force you to buy the
carpet, or did he try to prevent you?"

"No, he didn't. I wouldn't let the beast inside this house."

"Very well then. Don't go on about the carpet. Tell me plainly and
straightforwardly why you call Simpkins a meddlesome ass."

"Because he pokes his nose into everybody's business," said the Major,
"and won't let people alone."

Meldon took a note on a sheet of paper.

"Good," he said. "Simpkins--meddlesome ass--pokes his nose into
everybody's business. Now, who is everybody?"

"Who is what, J. J.?"

"Who is everybody? That's plain enough, isn't it? For instance, are
you everybody?"

"No, I'm not. How could I be?"

"Then I take it that Simpkins has not poked his nose into your
business. Is Doyle everybody?"

"He _has_ poked his nose into my business."

"Be careful now, Major. You're beginning to contradict yourse