e deepening river which will place its
mouth on the mouth of the ocean.

* * * * *

Yes ... one more look....

Above the slope leaning down to lull itself in bliss, the sky has just
enshrined a light cloud the color of periwinkles, and the arch resounds
like an Hallelujah in stone.

Come.

XVII

He entered.

I cannot say how I reacted to the first steps he took into my life. I
have only a confused impression left. The man who entered was not one to
whom I could be indifferent. He was an aspect of my own being which was
taking form and moving outside myself without recognizing me.

He approached shyly enough. My heart rose ... he approached ... I felt
vaguely that a large event involving me was taking place in far-off
regions, and the shadow of his body spread an immense new something
before my eyes.

I thought him very gentle. I noticed the metallic clearness of his
restless gaze, and that his figure suggested a great tree which
dominates the other trees and lowers its branches so as not to be alone.

What was he going to do among these people, what attitude would he, the
single sane person in the entire gathering, assume? How was he going to
behave in this brilliant drawing-room filled with twittering women,
dazzling lights, bare shoulders, ripples of laughter, and heavy
perfumes?

I had tried hard to cut a figure but soon had to confess myself beaten.
The women spoke a language not like the rest of the world's. Their
vocabulary was limited to "masterpiece," "infamous," "divine,"
"diabolical," "delicious," "intriguing." In their presence an average,
disgracefully normal, tame creature like myself without vices or
virtues, had to keep mum.

The old gentleman advancing screened my escape from the group in which I
had been trapped, and I managed to retreat to a safe corner, from which
I saw the women fasten on him with a buzz of talk, a whole gamut of rosy
bosoms and a great display of fireworks.... Further off the hostess was
keeping a watchful eye to see that no one of the women distinguished
herself too much. The elderly laughing gentleman must have been some one
of importance....

The tobacco-laden air was gradually getting to be unbreathable. The
noise pounded incessantly. I sat riveted to my chair without daring to
move, as though a nightmare were upon me, the sort in which a terrible
load oppresses your chest, though you remain conscious. "I am dying, I
am dying."