also the common God; then she would have
departed in her honorable failure aided and reinforced for the eternal
contest.

Shall I let her leave like this? I have been able to secure a serenity
which she does not surmise; it would be a charity to beg her to try to
secure the same serenity. This woman ... I shall say to her: "A beloved
is neither a God nor an enemy, he is a friend you must discover in spite
of passion. I know it's hard and needs an iron will and devotion, but I
swear one succeeds...."

* * * * *

She raises the window-shade. Her face stands out--is it the
same?--marred by the light.

The borders of her green eyes show the streaky after-effects of tears,
her cheeks are lined, her lips have lost their blood and youthful red,
the two tendons of her lovely marble neck twitch, and the cherished body
in its holiday attire collapses like a broken toy.

I approach her, holding out in my comradely arms the new spirit that
will blossom on the new earth. I am not the only one; other young women
would speak as I do. The love by which we live is not like the love the
others die of.

* * * * *

But when I come close to her she steps into the full light ... I give up
the idea of explaining myself. There is nothing to say. She is twenty
years older than we are.

XII

I have the feeling that I am not prepared; it is a sort of
embarrassment, an obscure terror, and when I get myself to say so to the
other women, they laugh and hush me up. "Don't worry. The knowledge
comes of itself. Just being a mother teaches you how to raise a child."

It was by chance that I came to this street. I was walking along. The
hospital. A dull flat smell surrounded the sordid building with a
leprous haze. The doorway was swallowing up a long line of women from
off the gray canyon of the street. I do not know what struck me--I
retraced my steps and followed the women in.

We were made to wait in a room heavy with a brew of musty drug smells.
Someone shut the door, and immediately there broke out a fearful hubbub,
a concert of human meowings, bawls, pipings. A panic nearly seized me.
With the dull patience of animals penned in together the women formed
into groups and filled out blank forms, rocking and bobbing the light
fragile bundles they each carried in their arms.

I went up to one of them, leaned over and looked upon the crumpled patch
of a little old red face.