And then came another, on trial,
Who _actually preached in his gloves_,
His manner so _awkward_ and _queer_,
That we _settled him off_ and he moved.

And then came another so meek,
That his name really ought to 've been _Moses_;
We almost considered him _settled_,
When lo! the secret discloses,
He'd attacks of nervous disease,
That unfit him for every-day duty;
His sermons, oh, never can please,
They lack both in force and beauty.

Now, "wanted, a minister," really,
That won't preach his _old sermons over_,
That will make _short prayers_ while in church,
With no fault that the ear can discover,
That is very forbearing, yes very,
That blesses wherever he moves--
Not too zealous, nor lacking for zeal,
That _preaches without any gloves!_

Now, "wanted, a minister," really,
"That was born ere nerves came in fashion,"
That never complains of the "headache,"
That never is roused to a passion.
He must add to the wisdom of Solomon
The unwearied patience of Job,
Must be _mute in political matters_,
Or doff his clerical robe.

If he pray for the present Congress,
He must speak in an undertone;
If he pray for President Johnson,
_He_ NEEDS _'em_, why let him go on.
He must touch upon doctrines so lightly,
That no one can take an offence,
Mustn't meddle with _predestination_--
In short, must preach "common sense."

Now really wanted a minister,
With religion enough to sustain him,
For the _salary's exceedingly_ small,
And _faith alone_ must _maintain him_.
He must visit the sick and afflicted,
Must mourn with those that mourn,
Must preach the "funeral sermons"
With a very _peculiar_ turn.

He must preach at the north-west school-house
On every Thursday eve,
And things too numerous to mention
He must do, and must believe.
He must be of careful demeanor,
Both graceful and eloquent too,
Must adjust his cravat "a la mode,"
Wear his beaver, decidedly, so.

Now if _some one_ will deign to be shepherd
To this "our _peculiar people_,"
Will be first to subscribe for a bell,
And help us to right up the steeple,
If _correct_ in doctrinal points
(We've _a committee of investigation_),
If possessed of these requisite graces,