's smiling, he's smiling! How kindly
he looks at me! And you know, Alyosha, I've been thinking all this time
you were angry with me, because of the day before yesterday, because of
that young lady. I was a cur, that's the truth.... But it's a good thing
it happened so. It was a horrid thing, but a good thing too." Grushenka
smiled dreamily and a little cruel line showed in her smile. "Mitya told
me that she screamed out that I 'ought to be flogged.' I did insult her
dreadfully. She sent for me, she wanted to make a conquest of me, to win
me over with her chocolate.... No, it's a good thing it did end like
that." She smiled again. "But I am still afraid of your being angry."

"Yes, that's really true," Rakitin put in suddenly with genuine surprise.
"Alyosha, she is really afraid of a chicken like you."

"He is a chicken to you, Rakitin ... because you've no conscience, that's
what it is! You see, I love him with all my soul, that's how it is!
Alyosha, do you believe I love you with all my soul?"

"Ah, you shameless woman! She is making you a declaration, Alexey!"

"Well, what of it, I love him!"

"And what about your officer? And the priceless message from Mokroe?"

"That is quite different."

"That's a woman's way of looking at it!"

"Don't you make me angry, Rakitin." Grushenka caught him up hotly. "This
is quite different. I love Alyosha in a different way. It's true, Alyosha,
I had sly designs on you before. For I am a horrid, violent creature. But
at other times I've looked upon you, Alyosha, as my conscience. I've kept
thinking 'how any one like that must despise a nasty thing like me.' I
thought that the day before yesterday, as I ran home from the young
lady's. I have thought of you a long time in that way, Alyosha, and Mitya
knows, I've talked to him about it. Mitya understands. Would you believe
it, I sometimes look at you and feel ashamed, utterly ashamed of
myself.... And how, and since when, I began to think about you like that,
I can't say, I don't remember...."

Fenya came in and put a tray with an uncorked bottle and three glasses of
champagne on the table.

"Here's the champagne!" cried Rakitin. "You're excited, Agrafena
Alexandrovna, and not yourself. When you've had a glass of champagne,
you'll be ready to dance. Eh, they can't even do that properly," he added,
looking at the bottle. "The old woman's poured it out in the kitchen and
the bottle's been brought in warm and without a cork. Well,