STEVENS

[_Waving a telegram._]

The matter is too urgent!

LINCOLN

All right--John--let 'em in--I'm ready.

RAYMOND

We have just heard a most painful and startling piece of news from the
War Department----

LINCOLN

[_To_ STANTON.]

War Department----

[_Low voice._]

--What is it, Stanton?

STANTON

Something I didn't believe and wouldn't repeat to you.

LINCOLN

[_Whispering to_ OPERATOR.]

Pull for me, boy, pull for me--keep picking at that thing!

STEVENS

[_Triumphantly._]

You were advised to withhold the new draft of men until after the
election! Well, read that copy of a telegram from New York, just
received by General Halleck, sir!

[_Offers telegram to_ LINCOLN _and he refuses to take it._]

LINCOLN

I don't want to read it, Stevens. Your face is enough for me. It must
be bad, or you wouldn't be so happy. You're almost smiling!

STEVENS

Read it!

LINCOLN

[_Ignoring the proffered telegram._]

You know, Stevens, you remind of an old farmer I knew in Illinois----

[_The committee gather around_ LINCOLN _eager for the story,
glancing at_ STEVENS.]

STEVENS

Go on, give 'em the joke. It's your funeral--not mine!

LINCOLN

[_Facing the committee._]

This old farmer raised the biggest hog ever seen in the county. He was
so fat the news of his size spread over the country and people came
from far and near to see this wonder in pork. A stranger came up one
day and asked the farmer to see him. The old man said: "Wal I've got
sech a animal an' he's the biggest one I ever seed. I'll say that. But
so many folks are comin' here pesterin' me to look at him, I've decided
to charge a shillin' a look." The stranger put his hand in his pocket,
pulled out the money, paid the shilling, stared at the old man, turned
and walked away. The farmer called after him--"Hi--there--ain't yer
goin' ter see the hog?" "No"--the fellow answered--"I've seen you! I've
got my money's worth."

[_All laugh except_ STEVENS. _During the laugh_ LINCOLN _bends over
the telegraph instrument--in low tones._]