ows his humbled head.
Oh, great and glorious land, teeming producer of all things, creator of
Niagara, and inventor of Walt Whitman,
Erase your national advertisements of liver pads and cures for
rheumatism from your public monuments, and inscribe thereon in
letters of gold the name _Judy_.

_Unknown._

SALAD

O cool in the summer is salad,
And warm in the winter is love;
And a poet shall sing you a ballad
Delicious thereon and thereof.
A singer am I, if no sinner,
My muse has a marvellous wing,
And I willingly worship at dinner
The Sirens of Spring.

Take endive--like love it is bitter,
Take beet--for like love it is red;
Crisp leaf of the lettuce shall glitter,
And cress from the rivulet's bed;
Anchovies, foam-born, like the lady
Whose beauty has maddened this bard;
And olives, from groves that are shady;
And eggs--boil 'em hard.

_Mortimer Collins._

IF

If life were never bitter,
And love were always sweet,
Then who would care to borrow
A moral from to-morrow--
If Thames would always glitter,
And joy would ne'er retreat,
If life were never bitter,
And love were always sweet!

If care were not the waiter
Behind a fellow's chair,
When easy-going sinners
Sit down to Richmond dinners,
And life's swift stream flows straighter,
By Jove, it would be rare,
If care were not the waiter
Behind a fellow's chair.

If wit were always radiant,
And wine were always iced,
And bores were kicked out straightway
Through a convenient gateway;
Then down the year's long gradient
'Twere sad to be enticed,
If wit were always radiant,
And wine were always iced.

_Mortimer Collins._

THE JABBERWOCKY OF AUTHORS

'Twas gilbert. The kchesterton
Did locke and bennett in the reed.
All meredith was the nicholson,
And harrison outqueed.

Beware the see-enn-william, son,
The londonjack with call that's wild.
Beware the gertroo datherton
And richardwashburnchild.

He took his brady blade in hand;
Long time the partridge foe he sought.
Then stood a time by the oppenheim
In deep mcnaughton thought.

In warwick deeping thought he stood--
He poised on edithwharton brink;
He cried, "Ohbernardshaw! I could
If basilking would kink."

Rexbeach! rexbeach!--and each on each
O. Henry's mantles ferber