nouns to "fork" and "dish," and carefully annotated each verb
in the book as meaning "to eat." Thereafter he carried off the book
along with his garbage, and with--which was the bewildering part of
it--self-evident and glowing self-esteem. And all that watched him
spoke the Dirghic word of derision, which is "Tee-Hee."
3--How Thereupon Ensued a Legal Debate
Now Horvendile in his bewilderment consulted with a man of law. And
the lawman answered a little peevishly, by reason of the fact that age
had impaired his digestive organs, and he said, "But of course you are
a lewd fellow if you have been suspected of writing about eating."
"Sir," replies Horvendile, "I would have you consider that if your
parents and your grandparents had not eaten, your race would have
perished, and you would never have been born. I would have you
consider that if you and your wife had not eaten, again your race
would have perished, and neither of you would ever have lived to have
the children for whose protection, as men tell me, you of Philistia
avoid all mention of eating."
"Yes, for the object of this most righteous law," declares the lawman,
"is to protect those whose character is not so completely formed as to
be proof against the effect of meat market reports and grocery
advertisements and menu folders and other such provocatives to
gluttony."
"--Yet I would have you consider how little is to be gained by
attempting to conceal even from the young the inevitability of this
natural function, so long as dogs eat publicly in the streets, and the
poultry regale themselves just as candidly, and the house-flies also.
Instead, the knowledge that this function is not to be talked about
induces furtive and misleading discussion among these children, and,
though lack of proper instruction in the approved etiquette of eating,
they often commit deplorable errors--"
To which the man of law replied, still with a bewildering effect of
talking very wisely and patiently: "Ah, but it does not matter at all
whether or not the function of eating is practised and is inevitable
to the nature and laws of our being. The law merely considers that any
mention of eating is apt to inflame an improper and lewd appetite,
particularly in the young, who are always ready to eat: and therefore
any such mention is an obscene libel."
4--How There Was Babbling in Philistia
Now Horvendile, yet in bewilderment, lamented, and he fled from the
man o
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