a
_saving game. I_ have run risques to be sure, that I have; yet--

"'When after some distinguished leap
She drops her pole and seems to slip,
Straight gath'ring all her active strength,
She rises higher half her length;'

and better than _now_ I have never stood with the world in general, I
believe. May the books just sent to press confirm the partiality of
the Public!"

"1789, _January_.--I have a great deal more prudence than people
suspect me for: they think I act by chance while I am doing nothing
in the world unintentionally, and have never, I dare say, in these
last fifteen years uttered a word to husband, or child, or servant,
or friend, without being very careful what it should be. Often have I
spoken what I have repented after, but that was want of _judgment_,
not of _meaning_. What I said I meant to say at the time, and thought
it best to say, ... I do not err from haste or a spirit of rattling,
as people think I do: when I err, 'tis because I make a false
conclusion, not because I make no conclusion at all; when I rattle, I
rattle on purpose."

"1789, _May_ 1_st_.--Mrs. Montagu wants to make up with me again. I
dare say she does; but I will not be taken and left even at the
pleasure of those who are much nearer and dearer to me than Mrs.
Montagu. We want no flash, no flattery. I never had more of either in
my life, nor ever lived half so happily: Mrs. Montagu wrote creeping
letters when she wanted my help, or foolishly _thought_ she did, and
then turned her back upon me and set her adherents to do the same. I
despise such conduct, and Mr. Pepys, Mrs. Ord, &c. now sneak about
and look ashamed of themselves--well they may!"

"1790, _March_ 18_th_.--I met Miss Burney at an assembly last
night--'tis six years since I had seen her: she appeared most fondly
rejoyced, in good time! and Mrs. Locke, at whose house we stumbled on
each other, pretended that she had such a regard for me, &c. I
answered with ease and coldness, but in exceeding good humour: and we
talked of the King and Queen, his Majesty's illness and recovery ...
and all ended, as it should do, with perfect indifference."

"I saw _Master Pepys_[1] too and Mrs. Ord; and only see how foolish
and how mortified the people do but look."

[Footnote 1: This is Sir W. Pepys mentioned _ante_, p. 252.]

"Barclay and Perkins live very genteelly. I dined with them at our
brewhouse one day last week. I felt so oddly in the old house where I
had l