perior
understanding, and must not for the world degrade myself from my
situation in life. But if I _have_ superior understanding, let me at
least make use of it for once, and rise to the rank of a human being
conscious of its own power to discern good from ill. The person who
has uniformly acted by the will of others has hardly that dignity to
boast.

"But once again: I am guardian to five girls; agreed: will this
connection prejudice their bodies, souls, or purse? My marriage may
assist _my_ health, but I suppose it will not injure _theirs_. Will
his company or companions corrupt their morals? God forbid; if I did
not believe him one of the best of our fellow beings, I would reject
him instantly. Can it injure their fortunes? Could he impoverish (if
he would) five women, to whom their father left _20,000l._ each,
independent almost of possibilities?--To what then am I guardian? to
their pride and prejudice? and is anything else affected by the
alliance? Now for more solid objections. Is not the man of whom I
desire protection, a foreigner? unskilled in the laws and language of
our country? Certainly. Is he not, as the French say, _Arbitre de mon
sort?_ and from the hour he possesses my person and fortune, have I
any power of decision how or where I may continue or end my life? Is
not the man, upon the continuance of whose affection my whole
happiness depends, _younger_ than myself[1], and is it wise to place
one's happiness on the continuance of _any_ man's affection? Would it
not be painful to owe his appearance of regard more to his honour
than his love? and is not my person, already faded, likelier to fade
sooner, than his? On the other hand, is his life a good one? and
would it not be lunacy even to risque the wretchedness of losing all
situation in the world for the sake of living with a man one loves,
and then to lose both companion and consolation? When I lost Mr.
Thrale, every one was officious to comfort and to soothe me; but
which of my children or quondam friends would look with kindness upon
Piozzi's widow? If I bring children by him, must they not be
Catholics, and must not I live among people the _ritual_ part of
whose religion I disapprove?

"These are _my_ objections, these _my_ fears: not those of being
censured by the world, as it is called, a composition of vice and
folly, though 'tis surely no good joke to be talked of

"'By each affected she that tells my story,
And blesses her good stars