ought to have played _Hamlet_.
First, my name--Kemble. Secondly, Shakspeare's authority--'Oh, that
this too too solid flesh would melt,' and again, 'Fat and scant of
breath'!"

_Mr. B. Tree_. "All right, my dear Kemble. Quite true what you say;
and, any night I am unable to play, you shall be my double!"

* * * * *

WHIPPED IN VAIN.

(_BY AN M.P. OF A RETIRING NATURE._)

The Whip, he writes to me to-day,
Not, as his wont, in tones pacific,
But in the very strongest way,
And using language quite terrific.

He hopes to see me in my place,
And woe betide the sad seceder,
Whose absence helps to throw disgrace
Both on his Party and his Leader.

I throw my hat up to the sky.
At taunts of treason or defection
I flip my fingers. What care I?
_For I do NOT seek re-election!_

* * * * *

"THIS INDENTURE WITNESSETH."--According to the _Times_ of Friday last,
February 5, Cardinal MANNING died practically a pauper. He had given
everything away in charity. He was a "Prince of the Church," and his
gifts to others were, indeed, princely. In the wills and deeds of how
many of our Very Reverend and Right Reverend Lordships shall we find
nothing gathered up and bequeathed of the loaves and fishes which have
fallen to their share? Such a testament as the Cardinal's would be in
quite a New Testamentary spirit.

* * * * *

FOREIGN AND HOME NEWS.--"The Prussian Education Bill," remarked an
elderly bachelor to. Mr. PETER FAMILIAS, "is a very important matter;
because you see--"

"Hang the Prussian Education Bill!" interrupted PETER F., testily.
"You should see the English Education Bill I've had for my boy's
schooling last half!"

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH TO THE LIFEBOAT-MEN.

[Illustration]

[The President of the Board of Trade has, by command of
the QUEEN, conveyed, through the Royal National Lifeboat
Institution, to the crews of the lifeboats of Atherfield,
Brightstone, and Brooke, Her Majesty's warm appreciation of
their gallant conduct in saving the crew and passengers of the
steamship _Eider_.]

Your hand, lad! 'Tis wet with the brine, and the salt spray has
sodden your hair,
And the face of you glisteneth pale with the stress of the
struggle out there;
But the savour of salt is as sweet to the sense of a