alue the
life, and should have found it hard to say why I did not give up and
let them see that I was killed.

But I kept wondering how I should sustain myself if I should be called
upon to meet him once again.

CHAPTER XIV.

GUARDED.

Forever at her side, and yet forever lonely,
I shall unto the end have made life's journey, only
Daring to ask for naught, and having naught received.

_Felix Arvers_.

Duty to God is duty to her; I think
God, who created her, will save her too
Some new way, by one miracle the more
Without me. Then, prayer may avail, perhaps.

_R. Browning_.

"Mr. Langenau is coming down to-day," said Charlotte Benson in a
stage-whisper, as we took our places at the table, a week after this. "I
met him in the hall about an hour ago, looking like a ghost, and he told
me he was coming down to dinner."

"_Vraiment_," said Sophie, looking a little disconcerted. "Well, he
shall have Charley's place. Charley isn't coming."

"I hope he's in a better temper than that last day we saw him," said
Henrietta.

"Poor fellow!" said Charlotte, "that was the day before the fever began.
It was coming on: that was the reason of it all, no doubt. He looks
ghastly enough now. You'll forgive all, the moment that you see him."

Charlotte had forgiven him herself, though she had never resumed the
role of Florence Nightingale. Since he had given up the library and
removed to his own room, he had been quite lost to all, and nobody
seemed to have gone near him, not even Sophie, who would have been glad
to forget that he existed, without doubt.

Richard's eyes were on me as Charlotte said "Hush!" and a step crossed
the hall in the pause that ensued. Kilian, sitting next me, began to
talk to me at that moment, the moment that Mr. Langenau entered the
room. And I think I answered quite coherently: though two sets of words
were going through my brain, the answer to his commonplace question, and
the words that Mr. Langenau had said that night, "Pauline, I shall never
look into your eyes again, I shall never touch your hand."

It seemed to me an even chance which sentence saw the day; but as the
walls did not fall down about me and no face looked amazement, I found I
must have answered Kilian's question with propriety.

There were many voices speaking at once; but there was such a ringing in
my ears, I could not distinguish who spoke, or what was said: for a
moment