and my own
want of merit in particular. But 'tis a breach, at least, of the two
last, to deceive me. I am sincere: I shall be sorry if I am not now what
pleases; but if I (as I could with joy) abandon all things to the care
of pleasing you, I am then undone if I do not succeed.--Be generous."

It was about this time that she confided her troubles to Mrs. Hewet.
"At present, my domestic affairs go on so ill, I want spirits to look
round," she wrote. "I have got a cold that disables my eyes and
disorders me every other way. Mr. Mason has ordered me blooding, to
which I have submitted, after long contestation. You see how stupid I
am; I entertain you with discourses of physic, but I have the oddest
jumble of disagreeable things in my head that ever plagued poor mortals;
a great cold, a bad peace, people I love in disgrace, sore eyes, the
horrid prospect of a civil war, and the thought of a filthy potion to
take. I believe nobody ever had such a _melange_ before."

The unsatisfactory situation, apparently, might have continued
indefinitely, for, even if Montagu had been more pressing, Lady Mary, in
spite of her independent attitude, was most reluctant, indeed, almost
determined, not to marry without her father's consent.

In the early summer of 1712, however, Lord Dorchester created a crisis.
Thinking, perhaps, that his daughter might one day get out of hand and,
in despair, defy him, he decided to find her a husband other than
Montagu. At first, from a sense of weariness and from filial duty, Lady
Mary inclined to obey the parental injunction--to her father's great
delight. All the preparations for the wedding were put in train--then,
ultimately, Lady Mary declared that she could not and would not go
through with it on any terms. Who the bridegroom was she does not
mention, but, in a manner somewhat involved, she in a letter in July,
1912, confided the whole story to Montagu.

"I am going to write you a plain long letter. What I have already told
you is nothing but the truth. I have no reason to believe I am going to
be otherwise confined than by my duty; but I, that know my own mind,
know that is enough to make me miserable. I see all the misfortune of
marrying where it is impossible to love; I am going to confess a
weakness may perhaps add to your contempt of me. I wanted courage to
resist at first the will of my relations; but, as every day added to my
fears, those, at last, grew strong enough to make me venture