about last year; but Lord Roughhead, it is known, married Miss
Brent; and Horace Milliken, very much to his surprise, found himself the
affianced husband of Miss Lavinia Kicklebury, after an agitating evening
at Lady Polkimore's, when Miss Lavinia, feeling herself faint, went out
on to the leads (the terrace, Lady Polkimore WILL call it), on the arm
of Mr. Milliken. They were married in January: it's not a bad match for
Miss K. Lady Kicklebury goes and stops for six months of the year at
Pigeoncot with her daughter and son-in-law; and now that they are come
abroad, she comes too. She must be with Lavinia, under the present
circumstances.

When I am arm-in-arm, I tell this story glibly off to Lankin, who is
astonished at my knowledge of the world, and says, "Why, Titmarsh, you
know everything."

"I DO know a few things, Lankin my boy," is my answer. "A man don't live
in society, and PRETTY GOOD society, let me tell you, for nothing."

The fact is, that all the above details are known to almost any man in
our neighborhood. Lady Kicklebury does not meet with US much, and has
greater folks than we can pretend to be at her parties. But we know
about THEM. She'll condescend to come to Perkins's, WITH WHOSE FIRM SHE
BANKS; and she MAY overdraw HER ACCOUNT: but of that, of course, I know
nothing.

When Lankin and I go down stairs to breakfast, we find, if not the best,
at least the most conspicuous places in occupation of Lady Kicklebury's
party, and the hulking London footman making a darkness in the cabin, as
he stoops through it bearing cups and plates to his employers.

[Why do they always put mud into coffee on board steamers? Why does the
tea generally taste of boiled boots? Why is the milk scarce and thin?
And why do they have those bleeding legs of boiled mutton for dinner?
I ask why? In the steamers of other nations you are well fed. Is it
impossible that Britannia, who confessedly rules the waves, should
attend to the victuals a little, and that meat should be well cooked
under a Union Jack? I just put in this question, this most interesting
question, in a momentous parenthesis, and resume the tale.]

When Lankin and I descend to the cabin, then, the tables are full of
gobbling people; and, though there DO seem to be a couple of places near
Lady Kicklebury, immediately she sees our eyes directed to the inviting
gap, she slides out, and with her ample robe covers even more than that
large space to which by a