H. Ah, why?
SIR D. It's the workings of conscience, of course.
CH. Fie, fie!
SIR D. And huskiness stands for remorse,
CH. Oh my!
SIR D. At least it does so in my case!
SIR D. When in crime one is fully employed--
CH. Like you--
SIR D. Your expression gets warped and destroyed:
CH. It do.
SIR D. It's a penalty none can avoid;
CH. How true!
SIR D. I once was a nice-looking youth;
But like stone from a strong catapult--
CH. (explaining to each other). A trice--
SIR D. I rushed at my terrible cult--
CH. (explaining to each other). That's vice--
SIR D. Observe the unpleasant result!
CH. Not nice.
SIR D. Indeed I am telling the truth!
SIR D. Oh, innocent, happy though poor!
CH. That's we--
SIR D. If I had been virtuous, I'm sure--
CH. Like me--
SIR D. I should be as nice-looking as you're!
CH. May be.
SIR D. You are very nice-looking indeed!
Oh, innocents, listen in time--
CH. We doe,
SIR D. Avoid an existence of crime--
CH. Just so--
SIR D. Or you'll be as ugly as I'm--
CH. (loudly). No! No!
SIR D. And now, if you please, we'll proceed.

(All the girls express their horror of Sir Despard. As he
approaches them they fly from him, terror-stricken, leaving
him alone on the stage.)

SIR D. Poor children, how they loathe me--me whose hands
are certainly steeped in infamy, but whose heart is as the heart
of a little child! But what is a poor baronet to do, when a
whole picture gallery of ancestors step down from their frames
and threaten him with an excruciating death if he hesitate to
commit his daily crime? But ha! ha! I am even with them!
(Mysteriously.) I get my crime over the first thing in the
morning, and then, ha! ha! for the rest of the day I do good--I
do good--I do good! (Melodramatically.) Two days since, I stole
a child and built an orphan asylum. Yesterday I robbed a bank
and endowed a bishopric. To-day