Phantis: Are you aware that the Lord Chamberlain, who has his own
views as to the best means of elevating the national
drama,
has declined to license any play that is not in blank
verse
and three hundred years old--as in England?

Scaphio: And as if that wasn't enough, the County Councillor has
or-
dered a four-foot wall to be built up right across the
proscenium, in case of fire--as in England.

Phantis: It's so hard on the company--who are liable to be roasted
alive--and this has to be met by enormously increased
salaries--as in England.

Scaphio: You probably know that we've contracted to supply the
entire
nation with a complete English outfit. But perhaps you
do
not know that, when we send in our bills, our customers
plead liability limited to a declared capital of
eighteenpence, and apply to be dealt with under the
Winding-up Act--as in England?

King: Really, gentlemen, this is very irregular. If you will
be
so good as to formulate a detailed list of your
grievances
in writing, addressed to the Secretary of Utopia Limited,
they will be laid before the Board, in due course, at
their
next monthly meeting.

Scaphio: Are we to understand that we are defied?

King: That is the idea I intended to convey.

Phantis: Defied! We are defied!

Scaphio: (furiously) Take care--you know our powers. Trifle with
us, and you die!

TRIO -- Scaphio, Phantis, and King.

Sca.: If you think that, when banded in unity,
We may both be defied with impunity,
You are sadly misled of a verity!

Phan.: If you value repose and tranquility,
You'll revert to a state of docility,
Or prepare to regret your temerity!

King.: If my speech is unduly refractory
You will find it a course satisfactory
At an early Board meeting to show it up.
Though if proper excuse you can trump any,
You may wind up a Limited Company,
You cannot conveniently blow it up!

(Scaphio and Phantis thoroughly baffled)

King.: (Dancing quietly)
Whene'er I chance to baffle you
I, also, dance a step