Captain the following message at what he feels is an unsuitable
moment: "The G.O.C. notices with regret the tendency of all ranks to
shave the upper lip. This practice must cease forthwith."]

[Illustration: Sir Plantagenet Smythe, at the battle of VIN ORDINAIRE
"On! On! ye Noble English!"

2nd Lieut. P. Smith, at the taking of "dead-pig" farm "Come on you
chaps! We'll show these ----s Which side their ---- bread's buttered!"

Other Times, Other Manners.

The Decline of Poetry and Romance in War.]

[Illustration: His Dual Obsession.

Owing to the frequent recurrence of this dream, Herr Fritz von
Lagershifter has decided to take his friends' advice: Give up sausage
late at night and brood less upon the possible size of the British Army
next spring.]

[Illustration: The Communication Trench.

PROBLEM--Whether to walk along the top and risk it, or do another mile
of this.]

[Illustration: Letting Himself Down.

Having omitted to remove the elastic band prior to descent, Herr Franz
von Flopp feels that the trial exhibition of his new parachute is a
failure.]

[Illustration: Old Saws and New Meanings----By Bairnsfather.

There is certainly a lot of truth in that Napoleonic maxim, "An army
moves on its stomach."]

[Illustration: Nobbled.

"'Ow long are you up for, Bill?"

"Seven years."

"Yer lucky ----, I'm duration."]

[Illustration: The Intelligence Department.

"Is this 'ere the Warwicks?"

"Nao. 'Indenburg's blinkin' Light Infantry."]

[Illustration: Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in
Time.

"This interesting fragment, found near Ypres (known to the ancients as
Wipers), throws a light on a subject which has long puzzled science,
i.e., what was the origin and meaning of those immense zigzag slots in
the ground stretching from Ostend to Belfort? There is no doubt that
there was some inter-tribal war on at this period."--_Extract from_
"_The Bystander_," A.D. 4916.]

[Illustration: In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.

Having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale
near Verdun, the General has now let his country seat, "Shrapnel Park,"
and says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper, and not a bit
draughty, if you keep the breech closed.]

[Illustration: In and Out (I).

That last half-hour before "going in" to the same trenches for the 200th
time.]

[Illustration: In and Out (II).

That first half-