* * * * *

"Owing to the number of rats and crickets in her bedroom a nurse
employed by the Dudley Board of Guardians, it was stated at the
meeting of the board yesterday, had resigned.

"It was decided to engage a professional rat-catcher."--_Daily
Mail._

It is, however, not altogether satisfactory to be nursed by a
professional rat-catcher, and some of the patients are already
complaining most bitterly of the change.

* * * * *

THE HAT.

"Of course," said the lady of the house, "you can turn yourself into a
hermit if you like. We'll build you a little cell, and----"

"What?" I said. "A real hermit, in a long robe like a bath-gown? With a
real cell, and a dish of herbs on a plain deal table, and some rocks to
sleep on, and a folio volume always open at the same place? May I really
be like that?"

"Yes," she said, "that's what you're coming to. And there'll be a notice
stuck up on a tree--'This way to the Hermit,' with a painted hand."

"I know the sort," I said. "A hand with only one finger."

"Yes, one finger pointing in the direction of the cell. And all the
village children will follow you when you go out, and you'll threaten
them with a gnarled stick, and you'll be indicted as a nuisance."

"But not for a long time," I said. "I shall have lots of good hermiting
before that happens. I shall have my breakfasts quite alone and nobody
will ask me to go to Mrs. Latimer's musical afternoon in London, 4 to
7."

"Well, you're not a hermit yet, so you'll have to come to Mrs. Latimer's
with me. You know you'll enjoy it when you get there."

"I won't."

"And you'll meet plenty of your friends."

"But I don't want to meet my friends," I said. "Friends are people yon
go on being friends with without meeting them. That's the essence of
true friendship, you know. Absence doesn't alter it. You keep on
thinking of dear old Jack and what fun you used to have together at
Cambridge; and then some day a funny old gentleman comes up to you in
the street and says you don't remember him, and you pretend you know him
quite well, and it's Jack all the time, and you wonder how he's got so
old while you yourself have kept on being as young as ever. That's
friendship."

"This," she said, "is not an Essay Club."

"What should a woman know of friendship?" I said bitterly. "Besides, I
shall have to get a new top-hat."

"Well," she said, "there's