e, namely: Hong Foo,
Hin Yang-Woo, Mong Shing, Yee Ho Li, Wong Fat, and Bao Hu-Shin. This
inability may be in part due to incompetence of my unworthy self, but
none of my many sources of information, including Soviet Minister of
Police Morgodoff, who is on my payroll, can furnish any useful data
whatever. I am informed, however, that the UEESR Government is deeply
concerned about similar disappearances of some of the foremost of
their own scientists, including Voronoff, Jirnikov, Kagorinoff,
Bakhorin, Himmelfarber and Pavlovinsky, all of whose dossiers are on
file with our Bureau of Foreign Intelligence. I am further informed
that the Government of the UEESR ascribes these disappearances to our
own activities.

Ah, Venerable and Honored Sir, if this were only true!

Kindly condescend to accept compliments of,

Sing Yat

_Dzhoubinsky to Wu Fung Tung:_

6 October, 1984

Honored Sir:

Pursuant to our well known policy of exchanging scientific information
with the Governments of friendly Powers, my Government takes the
greatest pleasure in announcing a scientific discovery of inestimable
value to the entire world. I refer to nothing less than a positive
technique for liquidating rats as a species.

This technique involves treatment of male rats with certain types of
hard radiations, which not only renders them reproductively sterile
but leaves the rodents so treated in full possession of all other
sexual functions and impulses. Furthermore, this condition of
sterility is venereally contagious, so that one male rat so treated
will sterilize all female rats with which it comes in contact, and
these, in turn, will sterilize all male rats coming in contact with
them. Our mathematicians estimate that under even moderately favorable
circumstances, the entire rat population of the world could be
sterilized from one male rat in approximately two hundred years.

Rats so treated have already been liberated in the granaries at
Odessa; in three months, rat-trappings there have fallen by 26.4
percent, and grain-losses to rats by 32.09 percent.

We are shipping you six dozen sterilized male rats, which you can use
for sterilization stock, and, by so augmenting their numbers, may
duplicate our own successes.

Curiously enough, this effect of venereally contagious sterility was
discovered quite accidentally, in connection with the use of hard
radiations for human sterilization (criminals, mental defectives,
etc.). K