s, etc.--and are
also free from the intellectual and ideological restraints which make
life so intolerable in your respective countries to any man above the
order of intelligence of a cretin. In return for these benefactions,
these eminent scientists have developed, for my Government, certain
weapons. For example:

1.) A nuclear-rocket guided missile, officially designated as the
_Sword of Islam_, vastly superior to your Excellencies' respective
guided missiles _Marxist Victory_ and _Celestial Destroyer_. It should
be; it was the product of the joint efforts of Dr. Voronoff and Dr.
Bao Hu-Shin, whom your Excellencies know.

2.) A new type of radar-radio-electronic defense screen, which can not
only detect the approach of a guided missile, at any velocity
whatever, but will automatically capture and redirect same. In case
either of your Excellencies doubt this statement, you are invited to
aim a rocket at some target in Afghanistan and see what happens.

3.) Both the UPREA mutated virus and the UEESR contagious sterility,
with positive vaccines against the former and means of instrumental
detection of the latter.

4.) A technique for initiating and controlling the Bethe
carbon-hydrogen cycle. We are now using this as a source of heat for
industrial and even domestic purposes, and we also have a
carbon-hydrogen cycle bomb. Such a bomb, delivered by one of our
_Sword of Islam_ Mark IV's, was activated yesterday over the Northern
tip of Nova Zembla, at an altitude of four miles. I am enclosing
photographic reproductions of views of this test, televised to Kabul
by an accompanying _Sword of Islam_ Mark V observation rocket. I am
informed that expeditions have been sent by both the UEESR and the
UPREA to investigate; they should find some very interesting
conditions. For one thing, they won't need their climbing equipment to
get over the Nova Zembla Glacier; the Nova Zembla Glacier isn't there,
any more.

5.) A lithium bomb. This has not been tested, yet. A lithium bomb is
nothing for a country the size of Afghanistan to let off inside its
own borders. We intend making a test with it within the next ten days,
however If your Excellencies will designate a target, which must be at
the center of an uninhabited area at least five hundred miles square,
the test can be made in perfect safety. If not, I cannot answer the
results; that will be in the hands of Allah, Who has ordained all
things. No doubt Allah has ordained the