th' old
woman, an' used to put it i' th' oven for a passenger, but one o'th'
chaps wor soa fussy, 'at he bang'd th' door too befoor it had getten
reight aght, an' chopped its tail clean off. Niver mind if th' owd woman
didn't mak a crack--shoo declared shoo'd sue' em for condemnation. Billy
tell'd her it ud be a Manx cat after that, but shoo sooin tell'd him
shoo wanted nooan sich lik manx; soa they have to tak ther lessons nah
withaat passenger. Two on 'em 'at's passed ther examination are studdyin
nah for ticket collectors, an' they promise to mak varry gooid uns. When
they practise that, they call th' haase door th' furst class, th'
cubbord th' second class, an' th' oven door th' third class, an' they
start at th' haase door furst, "Gentlemen, your tickets please," then
they goa to th' cubbord door, "Tickets," an' then to th' oven door, "Nah
then, luk sharp wi' them tickets."

But they'd a sad mishap one neet, for it seems th' owd woman had been
bakin, and shoo forgate to mention it, soa when th' furst chap gate hold
o' th' oven door hannel he burn'd his fingers, an' becos tother students
lafft he sed they'd done it o' purpose; an' it led to a reglar fratch,
an' he gate into sich a rage 'at he sed he'd swallow one on em, if he
did'nt hold his din, an' it wod'nt be th' furst porter he'd swallow'd
nawther! Soa th' taicher tell'd him 'at sich like carryin on wor varry
unporterish, an' if he brake th' rules that way he'd have to be taken
before th' inspector. But nowt could quieten him till he gate his
fingers rubb'd wi sooap an' they gave ovver smartin, soa as th' oven
door wor hot they had to practice another pairt. One on 'em borrowed a
wheelbarrow, as they could'nt get a luggage lurry, an' they had to wheel
it up an' daan th' haase floor i' ther turns, callin aght "By leave!"
An' them 'at could manage to run ovver one o' th' tother's tooas, an'
goa on as if nowt wor, gate one gooid mark, but him at could run buzz
agean a chap an' fell him wor th' next on th' list for a guard. It used
to be warm wark boath for him at wor wheelin' an' for tothers, but they
wor all on 'em bent o' bein' porters, soa they tew'd at it, detarmined
to maister all th' ins an' aghts abaat it. Whether all ther trouble will
be thrown away or net aw connot tell, but ther's one gooid thing, it
keeps' em aght ov a war turn an' saves th' police a deal o' bother.

But th' owd fowk dooant like th' idea; they see noa use i' bringin sich
gurt stinkin