Dick's a soldier!

PHILIP. Yes, siree! He helped stop a strike of street cars in Brooklyn.
His name was in the papers!

CHRISTOPHER. He was hurted bad, and if he was dead, he'd have a
monnyment with "Hero" embroidered on it. Aunt Georgiana said so!

ELAINE. I should think Miss Georgiana was too old, anyway, to have
beaux.

CHRISTOPHER. Oh, awful old!

LIZZIE. Oh! Miss Carley isn't so old!

PHILIP. Yes, she is, too! She's our old maid aunt.

ELAINE. If she wasn't old, she'd be married. It must be awful to be so
old.

PHILIP. She's nearly thirty, I guess.

ALL THE CHILDREN. Oh!

[_Loud and long._

CHRISTOPHER. You'll be deader soon after thirty, won't you?

TOOTS. [_Crying._] I don't want Auntie Georgiana to be a deader!

PHILIP. [_Bored._] Shut up!

LIZZIE. [_Comes to_ TOOTS _and comforts him_.] Toots, dear!

PHILIP. I'm glad Aunt Georgiana's an old maid, 'cause I don't want her
to leave us.

[FOOTMAN _enters and stands at the Right_.]

She gave me my birthday party.

MOLES. Yes, and this whole house'd miss your aunt, I can tell you that,
Mr. Philip. [_Takes away the plates._] She just keeps things going
smooth with everybody.

PHILIP. I told her I saw you kiss Lizzie on the back stairs, Saturday.

MOLES. What!

[_Gives dishes to the_ FOOTMAN.

LIZZIE. He didn't! He didn't!

PHILIP. Yes, that's what Aunt Georgiana said, but I know better, and so
does she, I guess!

LIZZIE. Isn't he a case!

[MOLES _goes out with the_ FOOTMAN.

PHILIP. Now what?

CHRISTOPHER. Soup!

PHILIP. Ice cream! I want ice cream!

LIZZIE. Sh!

ELAINE. My mamma don't let my brothers behave so at the table.

PHILIP. Neither don't we, 'cept our birthdays.

[MOLES _reenters with a tray and plates._

CHRISTOPHER. What is it?

PHILIP. [_Screams._] Eeh! Ice cream! It's ice cream!

LIZZIE. Sh!

PHILIP. Go ahead, dish it out!

[_Laughs._

[MOLES _serves ice cream to_ ELAINE, _then to_ PHILIP, TOOTS, _and_
CHRISTOPHER.

CHRISTOPHER. Mr. Dick Coleman is gooder as Cousin Sammy Coast.

ELAINE. Aunt Georgiana is goodest as him!

CHRISTOPHER. Aunt Georgiana is gooder as mamma!

TOOTS. And most goodest as grandma.

[LIZZIE _exchanges a glance with_ MOLES _and goes out Right._

PHILIP. Grandma! Rats!

MOLES. [_To_ PHILIP.] Sh!

PHILIP. [_Shouts._] Stop, Chris! He's taking too much ice cream!

ALL THE CHILDREN. Chris! Chris!

[_They keep up the clamor, laughing and shouting, till_ LIZZIE _comes
bac