us, disappointed, frantic, purblind maniac of the name
of ------, a bedlamite to all intents and purposes, a demon in the
disguise of virtue, and a herald of hell in the paradise of innocence,
possessing neither principle, honor, nor honesty; a vain and vapid
creature whom nature plumed out for the annoyance of ------ and its
vicinity.

"It is well known and appreciated by an enlightened and discerning
public, that I am as competently qualified to conduct the duties of a
Schoolmaster as any Teacher in Munster. (Here I pause, stimulated by
dove-eyed humility, and by the fine and exalted feelings of nature, to
make a few honorable exceptions, particularly when I memorize the names
and immortal fame of a Mr. ------, a Mr.---------, a Mr. ---------, a
Mr.---------, a Mr. ---------, a Mr. --------, ---------; a Mr. Matt.
---------, ---------; a Mr.---------, ---------; and many other stars of
the first magnitude, too numerous for insertion).

"The notorious impostor and biped animal already alluded to, actuated by
an overweening desire of notoriety, and in order to catch the applause
of some one, grovelling in the morasses of insignificance and vice,
like himself, leaves his native obscurity, and indulges in falsehood,
calumny, and defamation. I am convinced that none of the highly
respectable Teachers of -------- has had any participation in this
scurrilous transaction, as I consider them to be sober, moral, exemplary
well-conducted men, possessed of excellent literary abilities; but this
expatriated ruffian and abandoned profligate, being aware of the marked
and unremitting attention which I have heretofore invariably paid to the
scholars committed to my care, and the astonishing proficiency which,
generally speaking, will be an accompaniment of competency, instruction,
assiduity and perseverance, devised this detestable and fiendish
course in order to tarnish and injure my unsullied character, it being
generally known and justly acknowledged that I never gave utterance
to an unguarded word--that I have always conducted myself as a man of
inoffensive, mild, and gentle habits, of unblemished moral character,
and perfectly sensible of the importance of inculcating on the young
mind, moral and religious instruction, a love of decency, cleanliness,
industry, honesty, and truth--that my only predominant fault some years
ago, consisted in partaking of copious libations of the 'Moantain Dew,'
which I shall for ever mourn with he