lifted from me & how blithe I am inside. Except when I think of
you, dear heart--then I am not blithe; for I seem to see you
grieving and ashamed, & dreading to look people in the face. For in
the thick of the fight there is cheer, but you are far away & cannot
hear the drum nor see the wheeling squadrons. You only seem to see
rout, retreat, & dishonored colors dragging in the dirt--whereas
none of these things exist. There is temporary defeat, but no
dishonor--& we will march again. Charley Warner said to-day, "Sho,
Livy isn't worrying. So long as she's got you and the children she
doesn't care what happens. She knows it isn't her affair." Which
didn't convince me.

Olivia Clemens wrote bravely and encouragingly to him, and more
cheerfully than she felt, for in a letter to her sister she said:

The hideous news of Webster & Co.'s failure reached me by cable on
Thursday, and Friday morning Galignani's Messenger had a squib about
it. Of course I knew it was likely to come, but I had great hope
that it would be in some way averted. Mr. Rogers was so sure there
was no way out but failure that I suppose it was true. But I have a
perfect horror and heart-sickness over it. I cannot get away from
the feeling that business failure means disgrace. I suppose it
always will mean that to me. We have put a great deal of money into
the concern, and perhaps there would have been nothing but to keep
putting it in and losing it. We certainly now have not much to
lose. We might have mortgaged the house; that was the only thing I
could think of to do. Mr. Clemens felt that there would never be
any end, and perhaps he was right. At any rate, I know that he was
convinced that it was the only thing, because when he went back he
promised me that if it was possible to save the thing he would do so
if only on account of my sentiment in the matter.

Sue, if you were to see me you would see that I have grown old very
fast during this last year. I have wrinkled.

Most of the time I want to lie down and cry. Everything seems to me
so impossible. I do not make things go very well, and I feel that
my life is an absolute and irretrievable failure. Perhaps I am
thankless, but I so often feel that I should like to give it up and
die. However, I presume that if I could have the opportunity I
should at once desire to l